Well, the unthinkable happened. I
wasn't worried a bit about the regularly scheduled CT scan but I
should have been. I was stunned to see the cancer had returned. It
had returned with a vengeance. What wasn't there in February was over
3 cm in June. Golf ball sized in 4 months in liver and growing lesions in lungs. Not good. I spent the first week in
a daze, not really wanting to think about it. The Land of Denial is a
better place for me than thinking of the worst case scenarios.
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| Taken with a SelfieStick given to me by dear friends! |
Even as I type this... feeling the
keyboard beneath my fingers... gives me pause. Are these some of the
last days I will have earthly physical sensations surrounding me?
Surely not! Fortunately, although experiencing mild side effects from the treatments of Pembro I receive every
three weeks, I have not lost my appetite. I still enjoy food, the
taste and smells are welcome when I'm hungry. That is one of my
greatest blessings. The other greatest blessing is the ability to see
the faces of the ones I love, to hear their voices and feel their
hugs.
I read cancer survivor blogs and feel
assured that the little aches and pains I am feeling are normal and
not an indicator of something worse to come. I take each day as it
comes. I find comfort in the little things:
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| First thing I see on my phone every day |
The grounding feeling I get as I open the scriptures on my phone every day. The satisfaction of clearing the weeds from the flowerbeds. The luxuriousness of a warm bath or feeling completely pain-free between clean tight sheets. Gentle foot rubs. The smell of homemade rolls and gorgeous fruit from kind visiting teachers and friends. Music that reminds me of good times and keeps me focused on the Savior. Weekends with my sweet husband and catching up with my children. Cards in the mail, texts and phones calls from dear friends, knowing I'm thought of and prayed for and most importantly, not alone. Life is good today... and that's enough.
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| Manti Temple Flower Beds |
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| Chocolate Chip Cookies from my Visiting Teacher |
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| Incredibly Good Bran Muffins - @lgmissmuffin |
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| Grilled by my son-in-law |
I SO TOTALLY DO TRUST IN THE LORD!
Being in His hands is "my happy place."
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| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfosSggwQS0 |
I ❤️❤️❤️ You!!!
ReplyDeleteLove you back!!! <3
DeleteWe're keeping you in our prayers:)
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU BRENDA! You are so sweet and I know they are working! Love you!
DeleteSoooo glad you came to see me when I was in town. You're kinda a rock star these days. Thank you for always being around. I loved that I lived close enough to walk to your house and spend countless hours chatting in your kitchen. Wish I could still do that.
ReplyDeleteDearest Adrienne,
DeleteYOU are the rockstar! I mean it! :)
Much love,
Debbie
Debbie, I was shocked to say the least when I read your FB post about your trip, to find out you had cancer. As if having MS wasn't enough! I had NO idea you had even had cancer the first time let alone this cancer returning! I am so sorry and feel so bad that I haven't stayed closer in touch these past few years. I have always been inspired by your strong testimony and example of Christ like love to whomever you are around. I would love to come and see you but have no idea where you live other than in Farmington. Can you let me know? Sending my love and prayers.
ReplyDeleteThank you sweet Kathleen! I sent you a message. LOVE YOU!!!
Delete