Deja Vu

An uneasiness hovered around the edge of my mind as we entered the same room I'd found out the cancer had metastasized, and then 2 years later spread again. Surely the news would be good though! I'd been steadily recovering from the February surgery to remove the tumor in my vertebrae and had been feeling so much stronger. I'd been exercising, doing housework and pulling weeds. Although the numbness and tingling in my hand remained, I could once again use a can opener, turn the car on, curl my hair and write legibly! 

Three strikes and you're out though. My renowned oncologist, Dr. Kenneth Grossman sat down and without beating around the bush said that my scans weren't good. I had a number of "lumps and bumps" showing up and my intestines were in bad shape and needed to be treated immediately before a perforation occurs. 

Pembro infusions, which had been successful two years ago, had no effect on the tumors this time, but quickly wreaked havoc on my weakened intestines. Multiple melanoma tumors are developing everywhere and there isn't any way to stop them. There is no good option from here. Chemotherapy, with its many toxic side effects, was all the doctor could suggest. It could possibly prevent fractures or seizures but it would not extend my life. Compromising quality of life without increasing quantity did not seem a good option and I declined with everyone's understanding. 

The week ended with a prescription back to steroids and a Remicade infusion to help heal my inflamed bowels. Disappointing and discouraging. 

I've been more fortunate than most to benefit from medical advancements in treating an untreatable cancer only a few years ago. We will rescan in August and hope for good news again. Maybe I will fit into a study or a new treatment will become available BUT IF NOT I will continue to do the diligent gospel basics and "submit as a child" (Mosiah 3:19) to whatever my Heavenly Father feels will help me become the best Debbie I can be. I love this talk from Oct 2002 General Conference by Lance B. Wickham "But If Not" found here.)

It is in nurturing humility and submissiveness (see Mosiah 3:19)
 that we may comprehend a fulness of the intended mortal experience and put ourselves in a frame of mind and heart to receive the promptings of the Spirit. Reduced to their essence, humility and submissiveness are an expression of complete willingness to let the “why” questions go unanswered for now, or perhaps even to ask, “Why not?” It is in enduring well to the end that we achieve this life’s purposes. I believe that mortality’s supreme test is to face the “why” and then let it go, trusting humbly in the Lord’s promise that “all things must come to pass in their time.” 

Love my pilot!

We flew to Oregon following bad news to process and regroup, for the third time, for the fourth of July! Talk about deja vu.... 

Our thoughts in the next post.