Live It To Share It

Elder Robert D. Hales - a Tribute

“We can share the gospel only to the extent we live it.”

This quote embodies my whole desire in writing this blog. That I can express my testimony as I live it, now with a terminal illness as the driving force, it is very compelling to share the beliefs that ground me and lift me at the same time. 

This is a family photo of me with Steven C. Hales on Halloween in 1958. I was a tiger and he was a ghost. We didn't like our masks. 

Our parents were close friends before we were born, getting their college education at the University of Utah in Salt Lake City and later living near each other in Boston as they furthered their professional careers through additional education. 

Photo: lds.org

Even though the above photo is the only memory I have of being together Boston, we became friends through the years of their many moves around the world because of the effort they made to stop and visit us whenever they came through Utah.

Family Photo

I remember Steve bringing his brother, David, and friend, George, to ski with us and how well he handled the steep slopes here in Utah. Because he had lived all over the world, I was always grateful to hear his perspective from the "mission field" and it helped my testimony grow as we shared time together at BYU. 

One of those trips to Utah was because his father had been called to the First Quorum of the Seventy, then Presiding Bishop of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and then later as an Apostle, serving in the Quorum of the Twelve. I'm so grateful that God has placed those kind of friends in my life and when Mike and I were trying to decide where to practice medicine, my parents happened to be getting together with the Hales and we heard some great advice, which later became Elder Hales's conference address, "Making Decisions at the Crossroads of Life" given in October of 1988. Click here to read full address

His wife, Mary, is the perfect example of a righteous woman in every way. One time someone asked her, "What is it like to be married to an apostle?" Her reassuring and encouraging answer has stayed with me, "Well, he wasn't an apostle when I married him."

He continued to give us good advice as I navigated those early parenting years. This is an excerpt from a favorite talk of his:

"I join with faithful parents everywhere in declaring that we know who we are, we understand our responsibilities as parents, and we do not fear the wrath of the prince of darkness. We trust in the light of the Lord.

Like Jochebed, (Moses's mother) we raise our families in a wicked and hostile world—a world as dangerous as the courts of Egypt ruled by Pharaoh. But, like Jochebed, we also weave around our children a protective basket—a vessel called “the family”—and guide them to safe places where our teachings can be reinforced in the home and at church.

Ultimately, we guide them to the greatest of all houses of learning—the holy temple, where one day they can kneel, surrounded by their faithful family members, to be sealed for time and all eternity to a worthy companion. What they learned from us, they will teach their children, and the work of eternal families will go on.

Along the way, at times when our children are away from us, the Lord provides inspired “Miriams” to watch over them—special third-party helpers such as priesthood and auxiliary leaders, teachers, extended family, and worthy friends. Sometimes the Spirit prompts us as parents to seek special help beyond ourselves through such resources as doctors and qualified counselors. The Spirit will direct when and how such help should be obtained.

But the greatest help for our families comes through the gospel—from our Heavenly Father, through the guidance of the Holy Ghost, in the doctrines and principles, and through the priesthood.
To read the whole talk click here.

When my Dad passed away in April of 2009, Elder Hales spoke at his funeral about families and the eternal love we can share with them and our friends. Such a comforting doctrine as I face this time of separation from them. 

He reminded us of the promises in Alma 40-42, that the Resurrection will restore our bodies to their perfect state. That is good for me to remember every time I look in the mirror, too. ;)










It was a bittersweet moment when I walked into Seminary and saw his picture missing from the wall of apostles. His wisdom had been a guide for so many years and I enjoyed reading his quotes and talks again. He faced painful health challenges that caused him to express this great thought.

"I learned that constant, intense pain is a great consecrating purifier that humbles us and draws us closer to God’s Spirit.”³³













In spite of having cancer for four years, it has just been since February that I have faced constant, intense pain-- taking all your focus to what you can do to get through the next hour, or minute sometimes. I loved reading that quote from him then realizing that the Savior knows what it feels like too, and can comfort me in the ways that I need.

The week Elder Hales passed away, we took four of our children through the Latter Day Saint temple on Oahu, Hawaii where the flag was flown at half mast to honor him and the marvelous life he led. I will always remember coming home from that joyous experience and then watching his funeral, filled with gratitude that he had been such a big part of my spiritual growth and maturation. 

See the beautiful tribute the church made for him at this link:

Remembering the life of Robert D. Hales

"This is the call of Christ to every Christian today: 'Feed my lambs... Feed my sheep' - share my gospel with young and old, lifting, blessing, comforting, encouraging, and building them, especially those who think and believe differently than we do," he taught.
Regarding those who "want us to come down off the high ground and join them in a theological scrum in the mud," Elder Hales counseled Latter-day Saints to respond with their testimonies and to stand with the Savior.
"We show forth His love, which is the only power that can subdue the adversary and answer our accusers without accusing them in return. That is not weakness. That is Christian courage."

Just as the Savior was "despised and rejected of men" (Isaiah 53:3; Mosiah 14:3), Latter-day Saints may also experience misunderstanding, criticism, and false accusation. "It is our sacred privilege to stand with Him!"

Another excerpt I love on the topic of "prayer" by Elder Hales:

Though we may not know when or how our prayers will be answered, Elder Hales testified, answers will come in the Lord’s own way and according to His timetable. “For some answers we may have to wait until the hereafter. . . . Let us not give up on the Lord. His blessings are eternal, not temporary.”³⁶


"In my life I have learned that sometimes I do not receive an answer to a prayer because the Lord knows I am not ready. When he does answer it, it is often "here a little and there a little" because that is all I can bear or all I am willing to do. Too often we pray for patience, but we want it right now."

Moses counseled, “And thou shalt teach [these words] diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”8 Our families should be in our thoughts continually.

I bear my special witness that Jesus Christ gave His life, making possible the salvation and exaltation of all the families of the earth. With all the feeling of a tender parent, I express my love and the love of our Heavenly Father to you and your family.

This is a good reminder for me at this point in my life as I face yet another challenge. Chemotherapy, with all its undesirable side effects, is my only option to slow the growth and relieve pain. I need to "know whether to fight, flee, or go with the flow of my unfolding circumstances."




I'm posting some of my favorite quotes from Elder Hales I found on Instagram. Each a gem of wisdom that has meaning for me as I navigate this cancer journey.

And last but not least... his final words that inspire me to have faith that I may stand in His presence in some not very far off day.