Trust, Revisited...

If you've been following my blog for a few years you might remember the post I wrote and Holly Richins filmed on TRUST. 

(click here to see the post on TRUST) 

(click here to watch the video)

I had intended it to be my last post, planning on dying shortly afterward. Well, two years later I'm still alive and as the pain still increases, I am still willingly trusting with all the faith I have that this is the Lord's plan and that the suffering I am enduring is purifying and sanctifying me. 

From the book "Visions of Glory" as told to John Pontius he writes: 
I learned by all this (suffering he endures) that it is through suffering that mortals learn compassion and endurance and faithfulness - but that there has to also be a great willingness to be purified and uplifted in this way. I understood that I would also be called to suffer so that I too could be purified, completed, and Christ-like when I left mortality, and I had to submit to this process willingly.

How can I not submit myself as a child would to their parent. I have to. As we approach my 5th holiday season since the first discovery of cancer I recognize that I have lost a lot of ground. I am never out of pain, even with all the opioid medicine I am given. People that are medically trained cannot believe my mind is so clear and coherent but no one is surprised that nerve pain causes my right arm to be constantly cold, numb and tingling. Typing takes a lot of time and effort so again, I am wondering if this will be my last post. 

This birthday card is from my funny sister, Raquel.
 There are two cartoon snakes on the front. One is singing Happy Birthday oh yeahhhh It's your birthday, ohhh yeahhh (rock style) and the other snake says

"How are you holding the guitar?"

The inside of the card says,

"Don't think too hard"

which made me laugh because my wonderful, patient sisters have been listening to me ask, repeatedly, two very good questions: "WHY I am still here on this earth?" and HOW is my body able to absorb all this cancer and not be overwhelmed by it? There seems to be no sure answer?

                 The 2017 Mutual Theme was "Ask"

https://www.lds.org/youth/theme/2017?lang=eng

Click here to watch "Ask of God"

Heavenly Father will answer us if we ask. It is His work and His glory and His pleasure to have us KNOW that we are His children and he cares about us and wants to answer our questions. 
It has been said that Heavenly Father usually answers those prayers through the people in our lives and we will recognize those answers if we are listening.

"When you are alert, attentive and reverent 

you are irresistible to the Lord" 

- Michael Wilcox

This (life) is a training ground. A time of great struggle and growth. God is slowly, but with great care and intention, changing you into the person God has created for you to be. The process will hurt at times, and hurt deeply. But the person it is changing you into, in the end - strong, wise and able to face more than you ever imagined - THAT is exactly the person God wants for you to be.

- C.S. Lewis