Plan B - When Breath Becomes Air

Family Photo

Family Photo

"LIFE is all about how you handle Plan B"

I saw this sign in a gas station of all places, and was struck immediately by the wisdom in such a short statement. Pretty much everyone I know is living with "Plan B" and handling it with various levels of success. We were delighted to find from my August scans that the tumors are growing very slowly! Another lift before the roller coaster drop! This is a welcome plan B!  

And

"I thought GETTING OLD would take longer" 

...I really did! Even though I'm 60, I feel like I'm actually living the life of an 87 year old woman NOW! "Hmmm, do I really need new shoes or can I make do with the ones I have? Should I plan a vacation for next year?" even "Should I give all my summer clothes to the DI because I probably won't be here next summer and it will help the children if I sort through it now?" 

Family Photo

My sister, Rebecca, brought me this book to read, "When Breath Becomes Air" by Paul Kalanithi, because it has some wonderful thoughts about dying. Knowing you are terminal but not knowing how long you have left puts you in an interesting place. The author points out that if he knew he had 5 years he would get a job, if he had 2 years he would write a book but if he only had 1 year he would spend it with family. I have been so greatly blessed to be able to travel to see my children and grandchildren. I have been able to make so many memories I will cherish and hope they will too. 

Now the news that my time is definitely growing shorter has come, one thought from the book has become my favorite. Close to the time of his death, his friends come for one more drink together. He tells his wife that "one more drink together will not change my love for them" and asks her to tell them he is too tired. They then also realize that the time already shared has been enough and leave to celebrate without him, as they should. Life HAS to go on.

It was wonderful to see everyone at our Family Reunion last month and have a feeling of comfort and peace that the time we have spent together has been REALLY GOOD and "enough." There is no desperation to accomplish anything or try to squeeze anything in. What we've already shared together, a whole lifetime of great experiences, has been perfect. One more girls night is not going to make me love them any more. One more hug is not going to change the deep love I already have for them. At this point, I just have a desire to live each day the best I can in all the many roles I play, but most importantly as a daughter of God. Because of Him I know that we WILL be together eternally and this life has allowed us to grow and learn together, making eternity together that much sweeter.

Sending love and gratitude to all,

Debbie

Four Weddings Without A Funeral!

Just when I thought our third wedding in seven months was successfully accomplished, our second son announced his engagement to be married in two weeks! That happened last Saturday. Yes, we had FOUR of our children marry within EIGHT months. 

From spontaneous combustion with absolute certainty to a slow growing, gently maturing love over time, their stories were all completely different. And aside from being eternally sealed to each other in a holy temple, each wedding was uniquely special to each couple.

Joy in our posterity now includes the possibility of grandchildren, a lot of grandchildren, all at once! We couldn't be happier about that! 

It also includes the possibility that we may never again have a complete family photo in this life, and surprisingly... I'm okay with that too! Let the joy commence!