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"LIFE is all about how you handle Plan B"
I saw this sign in a gas station of all places, and was struck immediately by the wisdom in such a short statement. Pretty much everyone I know is living with "Plan B" and handling it with various levels of success. We were delighted to find from my August scans that the tumors are growing very slowly! Another lift before the roller coaster drop! This is a welcome plan B!
And
"I thought GETTING OLD would take longer"
...I really did! Even though I'm 60, I feel like I'm actually living the life of an 87 year old woman NOW! "Hmmm, do I really need new shoes or can I make do with the ones I have? Should I plan a vacation for next year?" even "Should I give all my summer clothes to the DI because I probably won't be here next summer and it will help the children if I sort through it now?"
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My sister, Rebecca, brought me this book to read, "When Breath Becomes Air" by Paul Kalanithi, because it has some wonderful thoughts about dying. Knowing you are terminal but not knowing how long you have left puts you in an interesting place. The author points out that if he knew he had 5 years he would get a job, if he had 2 years he would write a book but if he only had 1 year he would spend it with family. I have been so greatly blessed to be able to travel to see my children and grandchildren. I have been able to make so many memories I will cherish and hope they will too.
Now the news that my time is definitely growing shorter has come, one thought from the book has become my favorite. Close to the time of his death, his friends come for one more drink together. He tells his wife that "one more drink together will not change my love for them" and asks her to tell them he is too tired. They then also realize that the time already shared has been enough and leave to celebrate without him, as they should. Life HAS to go on.
It was wonderful to see everyone at our Family Reunion last month and have a feeling of comfort and peace that the time we have spent together has been REALLY GOOD and "enough." There is no desperation to accomplish anything or try to squeeze anything in. What we've already shared together, a whole lifetime of great experiences, has been perfect. One more girls night is not going to make me love them any more. One more hug is not going to change the deep love I already have for them. At this point, I just have a desire to live each day the best I can in all the many roles I play, but most importantly as a daughter of God. Because of Him I know that we WILL be together eternally and this life has allowed us to grow and learn together, making eternity together that much sweeter.
Sending love and gratitude to all,
Debbie
Love you.
ReplyDeleteI surely love you too, my angel sister! I don't know what I would do without you!
DeleteAlthough we share the same name, I don't know you very well Debbie, but I do know many of the thoughts and feelings you are having from the view of the caretaker. I admire your courage and grace. You are a wonderful example of enduring with grace.
ReplyDeleteThe Dairy Air is Debbie Kolts
DeleteI feel your testimony in all you do and look forward to getting to know you better!
DeleteI love you so very much and I always will!
ReplyDeleteForever and ever back at you!!! How blessed am I?!?!?!
DeleteOh my sweet and dear friend Debbie. How my heart aches for you and your sweet family! You have been such a wonderful example of what our Savior and Father in Heaven would want us to be like while we are here for this earthly existence. Thank you for so many treasured times together and for teaching me more about Christlike love than anyone I have ever known. You will always hold a special place in my heart as well as your family. Please know of my love you you.
ReplyDeleteWe have shared so many sweet experiences I'm so thankful for! I will forever be grateful for your kindness to me and my girls. You taught them so many important lessons that have made them responsible, contributing adults even to this day! I love you Kathy and hope you know that you are in my prayers for strength to endure the journey you are traveling as well. Give Bob my love too. Friends forever!! LOVE YOU!
DeleteYou're the best neighbor I've ever been blessed with. I've constantly looked up to your grace, positivity, and spirit. When I'm interacting with people in my neighborhood I will always ask myself, "What would Sister Beus do?" Then I'll do that.
ReplyDeleteLove always.
Karah.
What a treasured compliment Karah! I feel extremely honored, especially knowing what an amazing mother you have been reared by! You already ARE far more EVERYTHING than I ever was! You are a very special daughter of God and I feel so blessed to have watched you grow into the wonderful mother you are now. Hugs forever!
DeleteThanks for sharing and believing the way you do. Inspirational. Love you for who you are.
ReplyDeleteBack at you Susan! SOOO blessed to have you and Dale's example of persevering through all trials to look to when times get hard. YOU are very loved by us! XOXO Love always!!!
DeleteLove you so much, Debbie. ❣️
ReplyDeleteLove YOU TOO dearest Jana! FOREVER!! Thank you for your faithful support in this roller coaster we're on! It means more than I can say!!!
DeleteBeautiful thoughts. Courageous. Helpful. Lovely. A lasting legacy for your family and friends who will be better because you are stronger and wiser than you know. Love Always, Jeanette
ReplyDeleteJeanette!!! YOU SWEETHEART! Thank you for reading and for commenting! I'm a little intimidated right now, haha! You could write everything I've said so much better! But it is what it is and it's from my heart, so I'll just smile and say THANK YOU DEAR FRIEND!!! XOXO
DeleteI just went to your blog and read every post with Eddy in it. :) Delightful! He's a great man and you're the best "journaler" I know! What a battle you have in front of you now though! My strongest thoughts and hopes will be with you as you begin this difficult journey! Love to all!
DeleteDebbie - you touch my soul deeply with your wisdom, grace and good humor. Praying for a safe journey for you and your beloved family.
ReplyDeleteThen we're even dear Cori! You have touched my soul many, many times. I love you!!!
DeleteDebbie, you are such an example of love , courage , perseverance and so much more . You have always been an example to me. I don't think you understand the impact you have had on my life from a young age on. I love you , and I am so grateful that I am able to know you and your sweet family .
ReplyDeleteThank you! I love you too sweet Nadine and ALWAYS have! I can remember your beautiful face, smiling a greeting on our front porch when we moved in. You're still beautiful from the inside out! Love you and all your family!
DeleteThe last time I saw you was at my Moms funeral, I think. You have played an important role in my life. Whenever I saw you you were smiling. Whenever think of you i see your smiling face. My Mom adored you. You cared about her. I know she will be excited tonsee you on the other side of the veil. Terminal sickness sucks. I also think that it is in a way a gift. Gives you a special opportunity.
ReplyDeleteI love you Debbie. Thank you for your example of faith.
Thank you for reading and commenting Sarah! Yes, I loved being your mom's neighbor and friend! I was always so impressed at her ability to laugh at life, in spite of all she juggled on a daily basis. She's amazing and I'm looking forward to getting and giving her hugs when I see her! You're all very blessed to have been hers and I am very blessed to have known you! Hugs forever!
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