Nana, are you dead yet?

Family Photo

The bottom half of the screen is me.... still in the first garden room. My adorable 4 year old grandson was very motivated to finish our morning chores so we could finally sit down and play what he calls "Ninecraft" (and what the rest of the world calls "Minecraft." :)

He made me an avatar and left me to figure out the controller by myself. He zipped his own avatar around the garden room and disappeared! Feeling very much a newborn as I learned to make my avatar turn left and right, walk forward and backward, I finally oriented myself in the garden. My grandson came back wondering what was taking me so long to join him. He took over the controller and showed me how to jump so I could get around the different layers of the garden and then he was gone again calling, "Come with me Nana!"

I tried to run after him but I couldn't go through the arch he had just run through! My screen kept saying, "You must accomplish the tasks before you can leave." What tasks???? I was completely confused! He came back again, took my controls and collected all the "stuff" you have to have to move on and leave the garden to enter the "real world" FOR me! I laughed and still had absolutely no idea how to "collect stuff" and knew that my time in the real world would be short, not knowing even as much as a four year old to survive!

I followed him into the different scenery and felt extremely accomplished as I maneuvered my avatar into a building. He said his brother had "built" this house and I was impressed! There were torches and everything! From that point I wasn't sure what happened? I was looking up and down at the impressive art on the walls and suddenly I couldn't tell where I was at all. He laughed and said, "Nana, why are you backwards???" He took the controls and fixed me so I could see straight again but it wasn't long before I was unable to figure out what was happening again. He laughed hilariously and said, "I'M IN YOUR HEAD, NANA!" Oh... ok then...! Finally he was done toying with me and took my controls to orient me again, extremely pleased with his teasing. He ran off to parts unknown again and I kept walking around trying to jump to the different levels in the house and got confused again. This time I was able to work the controls and orient myself when I found I was jumping on a torch! "Hey! I'm jumping on a torch! And I'm on top of a river of hot lava!!!" My grandson calmly took the controller, his fingers fluttering quickly and said, "Yeah, Nana, you're going to die, ok? I'm trying help you to start over." He handed me back the controls and before long I was lost again. He played beside me while I failed to reorient myself, finally innocently asking, "Nana, are you dead yet?" 

The metaphors were tumbling through my mind: Beginning in a garden with absolutely no knowledge of the real world, having to acquire skills to manage and maneuver obstacles to enjoy adventures by yourself, getting confused looking backward instead of forward, stymied when someone gets in your head, and finally needing him to take the controls to help me progress. Unlike my grandson, Heavenly Father never tires of taking the controls, turning us around and helping us "come follow Him" and absolutely never hastens our death! No one gets taken before their time. Comforting words indeed.

“No righteous man (or woman) is ever taken before his time. In the case of the faithful Saints, they are simply transferred to other fields of labor. The Lord’s work goes on in this life, in the world of spirits, and in the kingdoms of glory where men go after their resurrection.” 
                                            - Pres. Joseph Fielding Smith at the funeral of Richard L. Evans

Be Still

0ne of my favorite fall traditions is going to visit my Minnesota grandchildren over Halloween. This year my only granddaughter came to visit and join in the fun with her four cousins! I took my two beloved four year olds out to play in the backyard forest, surrounded by all you would ever want in the way of fall color. The bright green maple leaves had changed to the most welcome of reds and yellows as the temperatures dropped, but today was the perfect temperature between summer and winter. We were having a blast with three rakes, trying not to hit each other with our vigorous strokes. "I can make a BIG pile now because I am FOUR years old!"

We made a pile big enough for them to take turns running and jumping in the most interesting and unique ways they could think of: "This is my Ninja run!" "This is MY Ninja run!" I took many minutes of hilarious videos to enjoy later when I'm at home and only the memories remain.

"Bury us in the leaves, Nana," they cried! I delighted in their adorable faces framed by picture perfect fall leaves. I gently put a leaf on each of their foreheads and told them to "be still" while I took a picture. It tickled and they thought it was the most hysterical thing to sit there trying not to move. The leaves were SO inviting I had them cover me up as well. Childhood memories flooded in as I smelled the crunchy leaves and peered up at the sky through the leaf mosaic. I took a mental picture of the moment and thought about the words, "Be still." The phrase came into my mind with this scripture I read recently:

Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed and be still. Offer the sacrifices of righteousness and put your trust in the Lord. 

Psalms 4:4-5 

This is all I can do. I am in awe of the election outcome. I am hopeful for the country and trust that our prayers are reaching the ears of the Lord. I am hopeful for greater understanding between family and friends, cities and towns, and state to states.
I do not know the future nor can I change it, but I'm physically doing really well without any medications at all, truly a medical and spiritual miracle. I don't know how many more Halloweens I will have. Maybe a lot! But for now, I will "be still" and with the Spirit's help, commune with my own heart. I will continue to trust in God as the light draws me forward, offering the sacrifices of righteousness, as best I can to my understanding. 
It's really just a little thing, but over time it has become a big thing. Each month that I still live and breathe increases my trust in God and the reasons I am finding to make my life meaningful. I'm so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and Brother as companions throughout my life. I hope my heart can "commune" the love and gratitude I feel for them and convey their love to others. I'm praying this for all of us. Why not believe? 

Elder David Bednar -Personal Revelation -click here to view

"To the degree that we reject Him or His teachings we are on our own."

Grand Thoughts

I have a dear friend, Lauri Pratt, who always calls her grandkids "The Grands" and I've picked it up. It's the perfect word! It's always grand to spend time with these grand little people! 

A couple months ago I was able to go on a bike ride with my wonderful 10 year old grandson. Cruising along under a gorgeous canopy of spring green trees, he graciously kept pace with his slow-cycling Nana as we chatted about life.

He has known of my cancer since he was 7 and has prayed for me many times. The setting was inspiring and peaceful and I loved having him all to myself. We talked of school and sports until he sweetly asked, "So Nana, are you all better now?"

How do you answer that? Many options jumped into my mind... but I took the easy way out:

"Yes, I feel great today! It's been wonderful to be able to do all the fun things we've done this weekend. I'm so grateful for all your prayers and all the family's prayers. I feel 100% as good as I can feel!"

Then I felt guilty for glossing over the unknown future and said, "But I also know that sometimes things don't happen the way we'd like them to and I want to be happy with whatever Heavenly Father has in store for me. If I have cancer because I'm going to learn something important for me to learn then I want to have courage and be strong - strong enough to learn what I am supposed to learn. If God is trying to teach me patience or tolerance or to endure to the end.... then I want to learn those qualities and become a better person. I wouldn't tell God PLEASE don't teach me patience or tolerance! I would just pray to be able to learn quickly, haha!"

He kind of chuckled and nodded his head. I'm not sure he really understood but it was so grand to have a chance to express my thoughts to him. And if he faces something difficult someday, which is highly likely, for all of us, I hope he thinks of our conversation and finds the courage to learn what he's supposed to learn.