Live It To Share It

Elder Robert D. Hales - a Tribute

“We can share the gospel only to the extent we live it.”

This quote embodies my whole desire in writing this blog. That I can express my testimony as I live it, now with a terminal illness as the driving force, it is very compelling to share the beliefs that ground me and lift me at the same time. 

This is a family photo of me with Steven C. Hales on Halloween in 1958. I was a tiger and he was a ghost. We didn't like our masks. 

Our parents were close friends before we were born, getting their college education at the University of Utah in Salt Lake City and later living near each other in Boston as they furthered their professional careers through additional education. 

Photo: lds.org

Even though the above photo is the only memory I have of being together Boston, we became friends through the years of their many moves around the world because of the effort they made to stop and visit us whenever they came through Utah.

Family Photo

I remember Steve bringing his brother, David, and friend, George, to ski with us and how well he handled the steep slopes here in Utah. Because he had lived all over the world, I was always grateful to hear his perspective from the "mission field" and it helped my testimony grow as we shared time together at BYU. 

One of those trips to Utah was because his father had been called to the First Quorum of the Seventy, then Presiding Bishop of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and then later as an Apostle, serving in the Quorum of the Twelve. I'm so grateful that God has placed those kind of friends in my life and when Mike and I were trying to decide where to practice medicine, my parents happened to be getting together with the Hales and we heard some great advice, which later became Elder Hales's conference address, "Making Decisions at the Crossroads of Life" given in October of 1988. Click here to read full address

His wife, Mary, is the perfect example of a righteous woman in every way. One time someone asked her, "What is it like to be married to an apostle?" Her reassuring and encouraging answer has stayed with me, "Well, he wasn't an apostle when I married him."

He continued to give us good advice as I navigated those early parenting years. This is an excerpt from a favorite talk of his:

"I join with faithful parents everywhere in declaring that we know who we are, we understand our responsibilities as parents, and we do not fear the wrath of the prince of darkness. We trust in the light of the Lord.

Like Jochebed, (Moses's mother) we raise our families in a wicked and hostile world—a world as dangerous as the courts of Egypt ruled by Pharaoh. But, like Jochebed, we also weave around our children a protective basket—a vessel called “the family”—and guide them to safe places where our teachings can be reinforced in the home and at church.

Ultimately, we guide them to the greatest of all houses of learning—the holy temple, where one day they can kneel, surrounded by their faithful family members, to be sealed for time and all eternity to a worthy companion. What they learned from us, they will teach their children, and the work of eternal families will go on.

Along the way, at times when our children are away from us, the Lord provides inspired “Miriams” to watch over them—special third-party helpers such as priesthood and auxiliary leaders, teachers, extended family, and worthy friends. Sometimes the Spirit prompts us as parents to seek special help beyond ourselves through such resources as doctors and qualified counselors. The Spirit will direct when and how such help should be obtained.

But the greatest help for our families comes through the gospel—from our Heavenly Father, through the guidance of the Holy Ghost, in the doctrines and principles, and through the priesthood.
To read the whole talk click here.

When my Dad passed away in April of 2009, Elder Hales spoke at his funeral about families and the eternal love we can share with them and our friends. Such a comforting doctrine as I face this time of separation from them. 

He reminded us of the promises in Alma 40-42, that the Resurrection will restore our bodies to their perfect state. That is good for me to remember every time I look in the mirror, too. ;)










It was a bittersweet moment when I walked into Seminary and saw his picture missing from the wall of apostles. His wisdom had been a guide for so many years and I enjoyed reading his quotes and talks again. He faced painful health challenges that caused him to express this great thought.

"I learned that constant, intense pain is a great consecrating purifier that humbles us and draws us closer to God’s Spirit.”³³













In spite of having cancer for four years, it has just been since February that I have faced constant, intense pain-- taking all your focus to what you can do to get through the next hour, or minute sometimes. I loved reading that quote from him then realizing that the Savior knows what it feels like too, and can comfort me in the ways that I need.

The week Elder Hales passed away, we took four of our children through the Latter Day Saint temple on Oahu, Hawaii where the flag was flown at half mast to honor him and the marvelous life he led. I will always remember coming home from that joyous experience and then watching his funeral, filled with gratitude that he had been such a big part of my spiritual growth and maturation. 

See the beautiful tribute the church made for him at this link:

Remembering the life of Robert D. Hales

"This is the call of Christ to every Christian today: 'Feed my lambs... Feed my sheep' - share my gospel with young and old, lifting, blessing, comforting, encouraging, and building them, especially those who think and believe differently than we do," he taught.
Regarding those who "want us to come down off the high ground and join them in a theological scrum in the mud," Elder Hales counseled Latter-day Saints to respond with their testimonies and to stand with the Savior.
"We show forth His love, which is the only power that can subdue the adversary and answer our accusers without accusing them in return. That is not weakness. That is Christian courage."

Just as the Savior was "despised and rejected of men" (Isaiah 53:3; Mosiah 14:3), Latter-day Saints may also experience misunderstanding, criticism, and false accusation. "It is our sacred privilege to stand with Him!"

Another excerpt I love on the topic of "prayer" by Elder Hales:

Though we may not know when or how our prayers will be answered, Elder Hales testified, answers will come in the Lord’s own way and according to His timetable. “For some answers we may have to wait until the hereafter. . . . Let us not give up on the Lord. His blessings are eternal, not temporary.”³⁶


"In my life I have learned that sometimes I do not receive an answer to a prayer because the Lord knows I am not ready. When he does answer it, it is often "here a little and there a little" because that is all I can bear or all I am willing to do. Too often we pray for patience, but we want it right now."

Moses counseled, “And thou shalt teach [these words] diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”8 Our families should be in our thoughts continually.

I bear my special witness that Jesus Christ gave His life, making possible the salvation and exaltation of all the families of the earth. With all the feeling of a tender parent, I express my love and the love of our Heavenly Father to you and your family.

This is a good reminder for me at this point in my life as I face yet another challenge. Chemotherapy, with all its undesirable side effects, is my only option to slow the growth and relieve pain. I need to "know whether to fight, flee, or go with the flow of my unfolding circumstances."




I'm posting some of my favorite quotes from Elder Hales I found on Instagram. Each a gem of wisdom that has meaning for me as I navigate this cancer journey.

And last but not least... his final words that inspire me to have faith that I may stand in His presence in some not very far off day.

Labor and Delivery Pending

If you've ever had a baby you know what I'm talking about. You're in the last trimester and it suddenly dawns on you, there is no way to turn back and not finish this. You HAVE to deliver this baby, somehow. The blessing is that the closer you get to the due date the more ready you become. Your pain and discomfort become the motivation to go through whatever you have to, to finally bring your baby into the world and have joy!

This analogy came to me as a sort of epiphany: I'm "pregnant" with melanoma. I have tumors growing everywhere and there is NO WAY out of this ending. Right now I'm not in a lot of discomfort, other than the usual aches and pains that come with old age, but the tumors will continue to grow until one affects a necessary body system. The pain and discomfort will bring about the readiness to deliver "myself" into heaven and it will be my turn to enter the Spirit World.

I'm just praying for a short labor...

Melanoma Rears Its Ugly Head Again!

    The new immunotherapy drug, Pembro, kept my tumors from growing for 9 months and then my own amazing immune system did a fantastic job holding them for another 9 months. I had clear scans for almost 2 years and was beginning to feel like the sky was the limit! Maybe I could go for YEARS beating cancer on my own! 

     I began exercising 20 minutes a day pretty diligently. I really wanted to lose the extra 15 lbs I had gained over the summer of steroids. I saw results in gaining strength but no weight loss. I was happy to be stronger and I just kept at it.

     I was so excited and grateful to go take care of a brand new grandson feeling so healthy and strong! I had noticed a pain in my right scapula before I left and figured I had pulled a muscle somehow and just hoped it would go away. I was able to do everything I needed to for my daughter and the new baby, but the pain did not go away. 

     When I got home I started Physical Therapy to see if I could get rid of the muscle pain and I would get a few hours of relief but it wouldn't last. Three days later I started getting weakness and tingling in my right arm and hand. I thought it was my Multiple Sclerosis flaring up. I got an appointment with my specialist but it was weeks away. The next few days I had headaches and called my oncologist to let them know about the new developments. They had me do an MRI of my brain that very day. It was clear of metastases so that was good but why the weakness then? My husband told my Primary Care doctor about the weakness and they both felt like an MRI of my neck specifically needed to be done.

The MRI (pic at right) clearly showed that melanoma had returned aggressively within weeks, encroaching on my spinal cord and causing the pain. My oncologist, Dr. Kenneth Grossman, saw me immediately and I ended up being admitted for treatment. Disappointing for sure. 

I cannot say enough wonderful things about the Huntsman Cancer Institute though. For being a world renowned hospital with a reputation to maintain, they are remarkably and mercifully patient centered. I felt complete kindness from every single caregiver there. 

The hospital was so busy I had to spend the afternoon in the lab waiting for a hospital room to open. These sweet women went about their duties cheerfully but never missed noticing the slightest need I had and never missed a chance to encourage me in my journey.

They had warned me they would put an "art line" in while I was under anesthesia and when I woke it was throbbing and continued to for the next 24 hours. I had another IV in my foot, leg compression things going off continually, a neck brace and shooting shoulder pain. I seriously thought I would die of claustrophobic pain before dawn. Deep breathing through the night, I wrapped myself in the blanket of love from dear friends and tried to hang on to the moment I could get it out. The next day, they were able to use the IV in my foot instead and thankfully my wrist could begin to recover. A week later it is still sore and bruised.

     Many tender mercies and small miracles happened. We were supposed to be out of town with our grandkids that week but my husband didn't feel like we should go and moved the trip to another week (the exact week my neck brace comes off!!! NOT a coincidence!) His work load was lighter that week because of the President's Day holiday coming up. Dr. Lawrence, the surgeon on call, had trained to perform these exact surgeries and our confidence in him was so high. All members of the teams that would decide my treatment converged on my room at the exact time and everyone who would make a decision was there to discuss my case. Dr. Lawrence could make time the next day to perform the surgery. They were able to find a surgery room open at Hunstman so I didn't have to transfer to the U of U. They were able to get the tumor out successfully. The resident said it was one of the most perfect surgeries she could have imagined. I KNEW that the prayers of our family and friends had made that possible! My sweet friend, Becky Nelson, said that the circuit board in heaven must have been lit up from all the prayers. I love that visual. She said, "There is no way heaven could have not noticed the "glow" coming from Farmington." What a blessed and lucky girl I am!

On Sunday we attended a small Sacrament Meeting held in the hospital for patients and I was able to renew my faith in Christ's Atonement for us all. The speaker talked about the hymn, "How Gentle God's Commands" and I thought of the phrase, "That hand which bears all Nature up shall guard His children well." I have always felt that I am in God's gentle hands.

I completely trust the Lord in this trial. I know that it will help me become the person I am meant to be and hopefully inspire others to press forward on their individual journeys as well. I am so grateful for family and friends who have given me unfailing support. I can never repay them for the love and prayers they have extended on my behalf. I hope blessings will return to them many times over in whatever extremity they find themselves.






As we were waiting to be called for labs, I looked at my phone. It was 11:11. My daughter always makes a wish at 11:11 and I asked my husband what he would wish? We both agreed that more quality time would be every wish. We are very hopeful I will make it to the upcoming bucket list trips we have planned. The other morning as my sweetheart was leaving for work, he looked at me with my neck brace and mirroring my brave smile said,

 "We might not win this battle, 

but we will win the war. 

We will be together eternally and 

there is no way we will lose each other."

     I'm home now recovering slowly, faithfully wearing my brace to help stabilize my neck. I still have shooting pain across my back and down my arm from nerve damage. I just have to wait for it to heal and pray that it does quickly. Pain meds will relieve it for an hour or so but the side effects are not worth it at this point. I'm very grateful to have had so little pain until now though. 
     I have to look back to see progress, comparing myself to where I was a week ago, instead of looking forward because I have no idea when I won't be in pain all the time. Time heals all wounds, true. And I've got nothing but time.... sort of.

God Will Lift Us Up

Last week a dear friend massaged my aching foot… for a long time. 

My heel had been aching for a long time and she massaged it for a long time. 

So selfless… so Christ-like. 

It was ESPECIALLY Christ-like because 

she KNEW exactly where it hurt and 

what would help make it feel better having suffered from the same affliction.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/91267387@N07/8286976875

 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind...he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people… that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. 

- Alma 7:11-12

Robert D. Hales:

 I have often pondered… Why is it that the Son of God, and His holy prophets 

and all the faithful Saints will have trials and tribulations?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPP9mRL1rc

Brittany suffers from a difficult illness 

and yet because of that suffering, 

she has been driven to help others who are suffering. 

Sweet sweet video.

Click here to watch "God Will Lift Us Up

At 3:30 the mother's words especially touch me. "I wish it could have been me that suffered." 

Do we not all want to take upon us our children's suffering?
Does that make parenting one of the easiest ways to learn Christlike attributes?
Or hardest?

Henry B. Eyring captures my predicament in an excellent talk in April 2009 on Adversity. 

"There is yet another trial which, when endured well, can bring blessings in this life and blessings forever. Age and illness can test the best of us."

To read click here: Adversity by Henry B. Eyring, Apr 2009

Aging and illness…. my hope and dread as I live each day. 

I bear testimony that Christ does know how to succor us. 

I bear testimony that God WILL lift us up when we need it. 

I have had it happen repeatedly and I know it to be true.