Showing posts with label testimony of Christ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label testimony of Christ. Show all posts

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Vanity or Sanity?

The oncologist called the lump in my neck the equivalent of a canary in a coal mine. Evidence that things were not going well. What was the size of a pea a month ago was now the size of a grape. My right shoulder and arm were hurting the exact same way they were when a tumor had taken over my vertebrae requiring surgery, which I did NOT want to endure again. The increasing pain had caused me to give in to ever increasing pain meds. We knew the scans weren't going to be good and honestly thought we might have reached the point where nothing but pain management was an option. 



Instagram: Quote by Robert D. Hales
As we had suspected, tumors new and old were growing rapidly. Tumors that were millimeters were now centimeters. Imagine my surprise when the doctor suggested chemotherapy as a way to manage the pain. That didn't make sense to me?
"Why now and not in June?" I asked. 
"Because your tumors were stable in June and you still had good quality of life."
"What if I still don't want to do chemotherapy?"
"Well, the tumors in your liver are going to inhibit your ability to handle the toxins in your blood and you will turn yellow, be out of it, and possibly combative. It's fine for you, because you're out of it, but it's extremely difficult for the caregivers and I would want to put that off as long as possible. Of course, it is your choice but I will insist that you at least do radiation on the tumor on your adrenal gland. That is going to be very painful if you don't do something."
Instagram

Now what... 
My sweet husband was not going to insist that I do chemotherapy but he was oh so hopeful that I would at least try. Dr. Grossman had assured me I would only have a few bad days and feel mostly good between the 3 week treatments. 
Don't believe anyone who tells you this.  
One of the things I have been most worried about is scaring my grandchildren with my appearance. Yellow and bald... All I can think is that my new nickname will be "minion..." 
I talked to my niece who had gone through chemotherapy wearing a polar ice cap and was able to keep her hair. She was encouraging and made it seem like a reasonable effort to make. We went to the temple and I felt peace about at least trying. 


We rented the caps and bought 50 pounds of dry ice. https://penguincoldcaps.com We took two large coolers with the four gel caps, the headbands, the velcro straps, the thermometer that allowed us to keep the caps at -22 F, an electric blanket to keep me warm and the leather gloves required to handle the ice. My husband, daughter Kate and sister Megan changed the caps every 20 minutes for the next 12 HOURS! Such selfless angels. I can't even begin to thank them enough. 
My husband, who I believe truly WILL love my yellow and bald head, was especially reluctant about this intense effort to keep my hair. He kept muttering, "Vanity... I'll love you no matter how you look."  I kept countering with, "NOT vanity... it's my SANITY we're talking about here. If I lose my hair, then I lose it and it wasn't meant to be but THANK you for trying with me."


One good thing about having a physician for a husband is they know their way around a medical institution's jargon. One bad thing about having a physician for a husband is the nurses assume you know the same things your husband knows. And you don't. There were things I definitely didn't know when we went home.
I woke up the morning after the chemo feeling fabulous! I cleaned house, did the dishes and washed clothes! I was ready to take on projects! My burst of energy was very short-lived.
My husband had come home early to take care of me and after his first declaration of love and gratitude that I am still here with him, observed that I was having an allergic reaction to the chemo and immediately put me on allergy medication. 
What??? Noooo!!! 
From that point on, I basically slept the days away. Totally exhausted and constantly nauseous, I didn't even leave my room for the next three days. I didn't/couldn't respond to my phone and barely surfaced when family came to visit. My sweet daughter made us dinner and stroked my hair during the LDS Church Devotional while I tried to keep food down.


What do we learn from the experiences life brings us? What we want to take in, I suppose. I wish the world to know of my testimony of the Savior. I have no where else to turn. He is my EVERYTHING. I'm putting ALL my faith and hope in Him. When I feel torn apart by the disaster coming, I cling to the knowledge that the Savior has experienced EVERYTHING I will. For LOVE! He is the light of the world, GIVEN for us!

Yesterday I spent the whole morning listening to one Christmas song after another in praise of this season of Nativity. I wondered what the word "Noel" means? From the earliest known English and French carols using the word it has meant the good news of the nativity! When we sing NOEL we wish the world to know of the good news of the Savior's birth, life, and incomprehensible miracle of the resurrection, literally lifting us ALL from the grave.

Christ, the everlasting Lord will reign forever more. I hope to be in that audience, on my knees, filled with the joy of success in overcoming this earthly trial. I don't know how much longer or how much more I will need to endure, but I say unto you, "NOEL!"


I have faith and hope and pray for charity that my circle of life may be complete. I pray for all of us that we may find peace in the trust we can have in His Atonement and redeeming love. I say these things, in His name, amen.



Thursday, June 15, 2017

A Disciple's Tapestry

The day I finished reading the last talk from April 2017 General Conference I felt sad that it was over. 


PC: Lauri Pratt mudlakegirl@gmail.com
My overall sense was that I needed to know Jesus Christ. My visiting teacher made me a card I taped to the fridge that daily reminded me of this goal. Since I have been on this cancer journey I have desired to learn what I am supposed to learn and become what I am supposed to become. I have felt led and prompted many times along the way, wondering what each different treatment and experience could teach me about my Savior and His Atonement. 


My feelings have not changed. I want the same thing... always: to be a disciple of Christ. "Disciples live so that the characteristics of Christ are woven into the fiber of their beings, as into a spiritual tapestry." (See Elder Robert D. Hales talk notes below) I want my light to cling to His light. I want my virtue to cling to His virtue. I feel as Peter did when Christ, after a sermon of a difficult doctrine to understand that caused many to turn away from Him, asked the twelve if they would also go away?  



Peter said, 
"Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God."
PC: Lauri Pratt mudlakegirl@gmail.com



I, too, am sure. I want to continue to try to be a faithful disciple of Christ every day of my life. This is a short compilation of my notes of April 2017 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints. 



Elder Eyring - Sat am
Though earthly families are far from perfect, they give God’s children the best chance to be welcomed to the world with the only love on earth that comes close to what we felt in heaven—parental love. 

Joseph Brough 
My prayer is that each of you will recognize in your experiences that Heavenly Father is leading, guiding, and walking beside you and, with that knowledge, you will proceed with confidence, knowing you are never really alone.
To lead youth requires being with them. Devoted time is an expression of love that allows us to teach by word and example.
Second, to truly guide youth, we must connect them with heaven. The time always comes when each must stand alone. Only Heavenly Father can be there to guide at all times and in all places. Our youth must know how to seek Heavenly Father’s guidance.
Elder Weatherford T Clayton-
Know that birth and death are actually just milestones on our journey to eternal life with our Heavenly Father.1They are essential parts of our Father’s plan—sacred moments when mortality and heaven intersect.
Elder Dale Renlund:
The Savior’s compassion in the face of our imperfections draws us toward Him and motivates us in our repeated struggles to repent and emulate Him. 
Ulysses Soares
Brothers and sisters, please consider the importance of the invitation King Limhi gave to his people and its relevance to us. He said, “Lift up your heads, and rejoice, and put your trust in God.” With these words, Limhi invited his people to look to the future through the eyes of faith; to replace their fears with the optimism of hope born of faith; and to not waver in placing their trust in God regardless of circumstance.
If we are steadfast and do not waver in our faith, the Lord will increase our capacity to raise ourselves above the challenges of life. We will be enabled to subdue negative impulses, and we will develop the capacity to overcome even what appear to be overwhelming obstacles. 

Elder Mark A Bragg
We are children of God. Receiving light, continuing in God, and receiving more light are what we are created to do. From the very beginning, we followed the light; we followed our Heavenly Father and His plan. Seeking the light is in our spiritual DNA....May we see the Light of Christ in others constantly and help them see it in themselves.

Elder Nelson 
True disciples of Jesus Christ are willing to stand out, speak up, and be different from the people of the world. 
When you reach up for the Lord’s power in your life with the same intensity that a drowning person has when grasping and gasping for air, power from Jesus Christ will be yours. When the Savior knows you truly want to reach up to Him—when He can feel that the greatest desire of your heart is to draw His power into your life—you will be led by the Holy Ghost to know exactly what you should do.21
When you spiritually stretch beyond anything you have ever done before, then His power will flow into you.22
Elder Robert D Hales
Many people hear the word disciple and think it means only “follower.” But genuine discipleship is a state of being. This suggests more than studying and applying a list of individual attributes. Disciples live so that the characteristics of Christ are woven into the fiber of their beings, as into a spiritual tapestry.
“If ye will have faith in me,” the Lord promised, “ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.”
Knowledge is personal testimony, born from personal experience. It is knowledge that transforms us so that our “light cleaveth unto [His] light” and our “virtue loveth [His] virtue.”12 By our virtuous living, we make the journey from “I believe” to the glorious destination of “I know.”

Elder Jeffery Holland
I testify that this is His restored Church and is the vehicle for bringing the teachings and saving ordinances of His gospel to all humankind. When His message “has penetrated every continent [and] visited every clime,”15 Jesus will indeed “[show] his smiling face.”16 There will be plenty of eternal sunshine for the soul that day. For this promised hour to come, I longingly pray in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Elder Gary B Sabin
When we are complacent with our covenants, we are complicit with the consequences. 
We "stand up inside" when we wait patiently upon the Lord to remove or give us strength to endure our thorns in the flesh.16 Such thorns may be disease, disability, mental illness, death of a loved one, and so many other issues.
Gratefully, we know how it ends for the faithful. When we are “all in,” we have the all-encompassing assurance that “all things work together for good to them that love God.”26 As Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “Don’t fear, just live right.”27
Brothers and sisters, no one has sinned tomorrow.

Elder Valeri V Cordon
If our youth cannot fast two meals, cannot study the scriptures regularly, and cannot turn off the TV during a big game on Sunday, will they have the spiritual self-discipline to resist the powerful temptations of today’s challenging world, including the temptation of pornography?
Just as a mother is compassionate with her little children, our Heavenly Father is patient with our imperfections and mistakes. He treasures and understands our feeblest utterances, mumbled in sincerity, as if they were fine poetry. He rejoices at the sound of our first gospel words. He teaches us with perfect love.
No achievement in this life, important as it may be, will be relevant if we lose the language of the gospel in our families.18

Elder Neil L Anderson
Overcoming the world is not one defining moment in a lifetime, but a lifetime of moments that define an eternity.

Elder M Russell Ballard
I testify there is no greater goal in mortality than to live eternally with our Heavenly Parents and our beloved Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. But it is more than just our goal—it is also Their goal. They have a perfect love for us, more powerful than we can even begin to comprehend. They are totally, completely, eternally aligned with us. We are Their work. Our glory is Their glory. More than anything else, They want us to come home—to return and receive eternal happiness in Their presence.

Pres Thomas S Monson
Let us examine our lives and determine to follow the Savior’s example by being kind, loving, and charitable. And as we do so, we will be in a better position to call down the powers of heaven for ourselves, for our families, and for our fellow travelers in this sometimes difficult journey back to our heavenly home. 

Elder David a Bednar
In our homes and at church, we should give balanced emphasis to all three elements of the Lord’s pattern of preparation and progression for faithful sons of God: priesthood, temple, mission. All three require us to love being and remaining worthy. Be worthy. Stay worthy.

Elder Gerald Caussee
Too often we try to entertain our young men and relegate them to a spectator role, when their faith and love for the gospel can be best developed by magnifying their priesthood. By actively participating in the work of salvation, they will be connected with heaven and they will gain awareness of their divine potential.

Pres Dieter F Uchtdorf
What is the most important calling in the Church? It is the one you currently have. No matter how humble or prominent it may seem to be, the calling you have right now is the one that will allow you not only to lift others but also to become the man of God you were created to be.

Elder Henry B Eyring
As soon as we accept the Lord’s invitation “Walk with me,” the nature of our priesthood service changes. It becomes all at once higher and nobler but also more achievable, because we know that we are not alone. D&C 84:88
You need never feel that you are too small or too insignificant for Him to take notice of you and the service you are giving in His name. The Lord’s work is not just to solve problems; it is to build people.
Remember that God’s work and glory is not simply to run an effective organization; it is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). This is, after all, why He gives His priesthood authority to flawed mortals like you and me and invites us to participate in His work. Our progress is His work!
I testify that we come to know Him best by working with Him and serving Him in the great work of bringing salvation to God’s children. 


Pres Thomas S Monson
I implore each of us to prayerfully study and ponder the Book of Mormon each day. As we do so, we will be in a position to hear the voice of the Spirit, to resist temptation, to overcome doubt and fear, and to receive heaven’s help in our lives.

Sister Joy D Jones
Brothers and sisters, hold your little ones close—so close that they see your daily religious behavior and watch you keeping your promises and covenants. “Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.”21 We are indeed helping to teach and raise a sin-resistant generation unto the Lord promise by promise and covenant by covenant.

Yoon Hwan Choi
As we pray and study the scriptures every day and partake sincerely of the sacrament every week, we gain the strength to always look up to Him. 

L Whitney Clayton
Those who are deliberate about doing the “small and simple things”7—obeying in seemingly little ways—are blessed with faith and strength that go far beyond the actual acts of obedience themselves and, in fact, may seem totally unrelated to them. It may seem hard to draw a connection between the basic daily acts of obedience and solutions to the big, complicated problems we face. But they are related. In my experience, getting the little daily habits of faith right is the single best way to fortify ourselves against the troubles of life, whatever they may be.

Elder Dallin H Oaks
 It is not even enough for us to be convinced of the gospel; we must act and think so that we are converted by it. In contrast to the institutions of the world, which teach us to know something, the plan of salvation and the gospel of Jesus Christ challenge us to become something.

President Dieter F Uchtdorf 
People who are fearful may say and do the right things, but they do not feel the right things. They often feel helpless and resentful, even angry. Over time these feelings lead to mistrust, defiance, even rebellion.
Perfect love casteth out fear. 
Brothers and sisters, dear friends, God knows you perfectly. He loves you perfectly. He knows what your future holds. He wants you to “be not afraid, only believe”23 and “abide in his [perfect] love.”2

D Todd Christofferson
Do not abandon those who would welcome truth to floundering and failing in ignorance. Do not succumb to false notions of tolerance or to fear—fear of inconvenience, disapproval, or even suffering. Remember the Savior’s promise:

Elder Joaquin A Costa
I testify to you that if you pay the price of revelation, humble yourself, read, pray, and repent, the heavens will open and you will know, as I know, that Jesus is the Christ, He is my Savior, and He is yours.

Elder Mark J Palmer
As we learn to see others as the Lord sees them rather than with our own eyes, our love for them will grow and so will our desire to help them. 
No true teaching or learning will ever occur when done in frustration or anger, and hearts will not change where love is not present. 
Love should never be withdrawn when a child, friend, or family member fails to live up to our expectations. 
Because He loves us, the Lord expects much of us.
Next time you are asked to do something hardthink of the Lord beholding you, loving you, and inviting you to let it go and follow Him. And thank Him for loving you enough to invite you to do more. 

Elder Gary E Stevenson
I bear testimony that one of the privileges we enjoy as Latter-day Saints living in the fulness of times is the gift of the Holy Ghost. I know that the Holy Ghost does and will help you. 

Elder Scott Grow
Scripture study becomes the channel for the Spirit to give each of us a customized tutorial. As you study the scriptures each day, alone, and with your family, you will learn to recognize the voice of the Spirit and will come to know God.
After suffering through extensive, debilitating treatments for nearly a year, he (Neal Maxwell- cancer) was totally and completely back “in the game.” He served for seven more years.
As we seek to do God’s will by faithfully serving Him and our fellowmen, we feel His approval and truly come to know Him.

Elder Benjamin De Hoyas
While there are many things we can do to be a light and an ensign to others, I would like to focus on the following three: observing the Sabbath day, hastening the work of salvation on both sides of the veil, and teaching in the Savior’s way. 
As we keep the Sabbath day holy and partake of the sacrament, we are not only cleansed, but our light also grows brighter.

Elder Quentin L Cook
Adversity should not be viewed as either disfavor from the Lord or a withdrawal of His blessings. Opposition in all things is part of the refiner’s fire to prepare us for an eternal celestial destiny.



Sunday, August 14, 2016

I Stand All Amazed

Photo Credit: Raquel Williams Lonas
Looking through old family pictures, I'm amused at how much better I look in my younger pictures than I thought I did at the time. This is a picture my sister, Raquel, took of me three years ago. Little did we know our hilarious joking about it being my obituary photo would come true! Although it's pretty realistic with scars and wrinkles showing, I only wish I could look this good now that I have chipmunk steroid cheeks and very thin, totally grey hair. Other side effects puzzle me as well. I never know the reason behind numbness, or cramping, or why fatigue washes over me at random times. The interesting thing is I have friends who have every symptom I have and they don't have cancer. It's a mystery... 

My immune system is fabulous though and is keeping the tumors I have from growing and not allowing any new ones to form. I'm so proud of it! I'm so incredibly grateful for those prayers that are offered on my behalf and modern medicine.

Ultimately, I put my hope and trust in God that whatever the outcome is I will be able to endure whatever I need to endure and learn whatever I need to learn. The last time I went to the temple and randomly opened the book, the scripture for me was D&C 99:8


"Otherwise, thou shalt continue proclaiming my gospel 
until thou shalt be taken. Amen"


It couldn't be more clear what I am to do with my time and so I obediently proclaim: 

Repentance is the gift Christ has given all of us and we can use it every day. We can know of His love for us by the sacrifice He so freely gave. The unfathomable depth of that love we can only know once we are in His presence again. Although the process to pass into His presence again might be painful, and possibly long, I trust and fully believe we will live in light and love with those we hold most dear for the rest of eternity. 

Jesus Christ is our Redeemer and I STAND ALL AMAZED at the love He has for all of us!



Warning: Graphic images in the first minute.