Nana, are you dead yet?

Family Photo

The bottom half of the screen is me.... still in the first garden room. My adorable 4 year old grandson was very motivated to finish our morning chores so we could finally sit down and play what he calls "Ninecraft" (and what the rest of the world calls "Minecraft." :)

He made me an avatar and left me to figure out the controller by myself. He zipped his own avatar around the garden room and disappeared! Feeling very much a newborn as I learned to make my avatar turn left and right, walk forward and backward, I finally oriented myself in the garden. My grandson came back wondering what was taking me so long to join him. He took over the controller and showed me how to jump so I could get around the different layers of the garden and then he was gone again calling, "Come with me Nana!"

I tried to run after him but I couldn't go through the arch he had just run through! My screen kept saying, "You must accomplish the tasks before you can leave." What tasks???? I was completely confused! He came back again, took my controls and collected all the "stuff" you have to have to move on and leave the garden to enter the "real world" FOR me! I laughed and still had absolutely no idea how to "collect stuff" and knew that my time in the real world would be short, not knowing even as much as a four year old to survive!

I followed him into the different scenery and felt extremely accomplished as I maneuvered my avatar into a building. He said his brother had "built" this house and I was impressed! There were torches and everything! From that point I wasn't sure what happened? I was looking up and down at the impressive art on the walls and suddenly I couldn't tell where I was at all. He laughed and said, "Nana, why are you backwards???" He took the controls and fixed me so I could see straight again but it wasn't long before I was unable to figure out what was happening again. He laughed hilariously and said, "I'M IN YOUR HEAD, NANA!" Oh... ok then...! Finally he was done toying with me and took my controls to orient me again, extremely pleased with his teasing. He ran off to parts unknown again and I kept walking around trying to jump to the different levels in the house and got confused again. This time I was able to work the controls and orient myself when I found I was jumping on a torch! "Hey! I'm jumping on a torch! And I'm on top of a river of hot lava!!!" My grandson calmly took the controller, his fingers fluttering quickly and said, "Yeah, Nana, you're going to die, ok? I'm trying help you to start over." He handed me back the controls and before long I was lost again. He played beside me while I failed to reorient myself, finally innocently asking, "Nana, are you dead yet?" 

The metaphors were tumbling through my mind: Beginning in a garden with absolutely no knowledge of the real world, having to acquire skills to manage and maneuver obstacles to enjoy adventures by yourself, getting confused looking backward instead of forward, stymied when someone gets in your head, and finally needing him to take the controls to help me progress. Unlike my grandson, Heavenly Father never tires of taking the controls, turning us around and helping us "come follow Him" and absolutely never hastens our death! No one gets taken before their time. Comforting words indeed.

“No righteous man (or woman) is ever taken before his time. In the case of the faithful Saints, they are simply transferred to other fields of labor. The Lord’s work goes on in this life, in the world of spirits, and in the kingdoms of glory where men go after their resurrection.” 
                                            - Pres. Joseph Fielding Smith at the funeral of Richard L. Evans

Reflection

Photo Credit: Debbie's Iphone!

The Bountiful Temple in last week's rain took my breath away! The temple's holiness reflected in the mist expresses the awe I feel as I ponder the fact that I am still here on earth. 

We received the latest scan results a few days before Christmas. What could have been a dark pall over the holidays became a joyous light as we rejoiced in the knowledge I will be here awhile longer. The oncologist told me that there are patients who relapse at a disappointing year or two but they are having a lot of success at extending the life of 4th stage melanoma patients. I am one of those medical miracles! My immune system ALONE continues to hold the tumors at their present size and there is no evidence of progression. I recognize that the Lord is allowing this miracle and want to fulfill His purpose in the time I have left. I am still learning and my testimony is still growing. It is my heart's desire to share His love with those I come in contact with, that they can feel of His love through me.

Mike and I acknowledge the HUGE part faith and prayers have played in my relatively pain-free journey so far and cannot possibly repay all those who have given that most precious gift to us. Thank you and may God's blessings be upon you throughout the coming year and always!   

Much love to all,
Debbie

Not a Hair Shall Be Lost

Every Thursday morning I go to the temple, often with a concern on my mind. This particular day I had all the usual worries but I was also melancholy about how much hair I have lost since April when I stopped taking Pembro. It falls like rain sometimes! 
I like to spend time in the peace of the celestial room, praying and listening for God's word to me. When I randomly opened the scriptures, my eyes fell on these words in Alma 40:23 from the Savior through His prophets about the resurrection. 
"Not a hair shall be lost!" 
Now, how can that be a coincidence! I am constantly amazed at Heavenly Father's ability to comfort me with His very own words in scripture. I love the Scriptures! Why Not Believe?

Be Still

0ne of my favorite fall traditions is going to visit my Minnesota grandchildren over Halloween. This year my only granddaughter came to visit and join in the fun with her four cousins! I took my two beloved four year olds out to play in the backyard forest, surrounded by all you would ever want in the way of fall color. The bright green maple leaves had changed to the most welcome of reds and yellows as the temperatures dropped, but today was the perfect temperature between summer and winter. We were having a blast with three rakes, trying not to hit each other with our vigorous strokes. "I can make a BIG pile now because I am FOUR years old!"

We made a pile big enough for them to take turns running and jumping in the most interesting and unique ways they could think of: "This is my Ninja run!" "This is MY Ninja run!" I took many minutes of hilarious videos to enjoy later when I'm at home and only the memories remain.

"Bury us in the leaves, Nana," they cried! I delighted in their adorable faces framed by picture perfect fall leaves. I gently put a leaf on each of their foreheads and told them to "be still" while I took a picture. It tickled and they thought it was the most hysterical thing to sit there trying not to move. The leaves were SO inviting I had them cover me up as well. Childhood memories flooded in as I smelled the crunchy leaves and peered up at the sky through the leaf mosaic. I took a mental picture of the moment and thought about the words, "Be still." The phrase came into my mind with this scripture I read recently:

Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed and be still. Offer the sacrifices of righteousness and put your trust in the Lord. 

Psalms 4:4-5 

This is all I can do. I am in awe of the election outcome. I am hopeful for the country and trust that our prayers are reaching the ears of the Lord. I am hopeful for greater understanding between family and friends, cities and towns, and state to states.
I do not know the future nor can I change it, but I'm physically doing really well without any medications at all, truly a medical and spiritual miracle. I don't know how many more Halloweens I will have. Maybe a lot! But for now, I will "be still" and with the Spirit's help, commune with my own heart. I will continue to trust in God as the light draws me forward, offering the sacrifices of righteousness, as best I can to my understanding. 
It's really just a little thing, but over time it has become a big thing. Each month that I still live and breathe increases my trust in God and the reasons I am finding to make my life meaningful. I'm so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and Brother as companions throughout my life. I hope my heart can "commune" the love and gratitude I feel for them and convey their love to others. I'm praying this for all of us. Why not believe? 

Elder David Bednar -Personal Revelation -click here to view

"To the degree that we reject Him or His teachings we are on our own."

Perspective

The congregational chorister was swinging her arm back and forth so enthusiastically she nearly knocked the hymnbook out of her left hand. As a visitor, I struggled not to draw attention to myself by laughing at the dear young woman scrambling to get the hymnbook settled back down again. My daughter leaned over and whispered, "She's handicapped. Isn't she darling?"

https://www.instagram.com/p/uoFsA_KgN3/?taken-by=bharding15

Suddenly, my perspective changed and I saw her in a whole different light. Same young woman, same enthusiastic swinging arm, and yet I could really SEE her. My focus had changed. I had admired her exuberance until she accidentally lost control of the hymnbook and I thought to myself that she should lead more carefully. I humbly realized that she WAS leading the music most carefully and as well as she possibly could.

As so often happens, the Lord allowed me to learn the principle of perspective again, quite soon. I was helping a friend take her elderly parents to a government office appointment early one morning. When we opened the door to their shared apartment in a local assisted living center they were both asleep. Oh boy, this was going to be a little more complicated than we thought. As I quickly glanced at the framed family photos on the bookcase in their room, I had a rapid overview of their lives and the things they cherished. How far they had come! From being leaders in their home, church and community to at last, everything fitting in a single bookcase.

My friend introduced me to them but because of dementia they had forgotten in seconds who I was as I tried to help them without infringing on their privacy. They cheerfully got dressed to go without argument and I was touched at their innocent acceptance of a stranger's help. The kitchen staff got them a quick breakfast ready asking, "Do they want the usual?" and we were off. After getting all arranged and buckled in, her mother softly said a prayer before taking a bite. My friend and I exchanged a knowing glance over the seats and said nothing out loud, but so much with our eyes. This was the heritage she came from and we both knew the meaning of her simple but heartfelt prayer. So many things forgotten but not this...

Fortunately, we were able to park right in front of the huge municipal building and I was so glad I was there to help get two elderly parents, one with a cane and one in a wheelchair, through the tight security with the least amount of confusion. We waited our turn with reassurances repeated to them every so often. Her father was quiet, napping off and on, keeping his newspaper carefully folded on his lap; but her mother would ask about the "doctor" we were seeing and make comments like, "I haven't been to this office before."  My friend repeatedly told them in as simple terms as she could what we were doing that morning. Finally, their number was called and through much maneuvering we were able to finally seat them where they could see and be seen at the help window. My friend began to explain what she needed and some lengthy discussion followed. Her parents were being exceptionally patient and compliant but eventually her mother, getting a little annoyed at how long it was taking, asked loudly, "Does he know everything about us there is to know now?"

Family photo

Her father, with head bowed, so quiet through the whole event, slowly reached out his hand to her, which she then tenderly clasped with the hand not resting on her cane. They stayed that way until all the forms were completed and we were able to make our slow but steady way back to the car with huge sighs of relief.

Earlier I had felt to mourn their loss, but after spending the morning with them, my perspective had changed. Nothing of great importance had been lost. They still had each other and the love a lifetime of relationships can bring. They look forward to having the same breakfast they always have without even remembering that it's the same breakfast they always have! Focusing on the present, every day is a new day for them. No loss, just lucky indeed!

Missing My Missionary

My missionary has been home for almost 3 years now, and I never thought I'd say it, but I really miss having a missionary daughter and the letters they write home. It's hard for me to believe now, but at the time I really did not want her to go on a mission. She had already spent a summer in Peru and I just didn't want her to be gone again, let alone gone for 18 months! She felt like her life was incomplete though, and with encouragement from some very good friends, she headed out to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with whoever would listen. Little did we know how much that mission would enrich and permanently change her life for the better, and mine too! Her letters and insights are treasures to me now, many of them posted on her blog, "A Sorella On a Mission" -> http://katherinebeus.blogspot.com 

Missionaries see many miracles and receive many blessings from dedicating their lives to building God's kingdom on earth. Lucky for me, my niece is serving as a missionary for another few months so I have her letters to lift and inspire me.  She writes of miracles and testifies of truths learned. You will see what I mean about missions making marvelous women when you realize how wise she is for one so young. The Lord surely knows what he's doing. 

I asked her if she would be willing to let me share a story about a miracle she witnessed last month and she agreed. 

Soeur Lonas writes:

     Miracle number one from this week: We found this woman named M___ who was dumpster diving because she just moved from Columbia and she was only able to bring 50 pounds of stuff with her. We helped her bring her treasures back to her apartment and talked to her about our calling and she hugged us a lot and she said we could come back and share a message. But we weren't able to set a specific appointment because she wasn't sure of her son's schedule ... so we went by once later and she wasn't home. 
     Then on Saturday an appointment fell through so we decided to go to M___'s and she was just on her way out of the apartment to go for a walk. We walked with her and she told us that she told her son when she was leaving that she was just going for a walk, but really she was going to talk with God and when she saw us, she knew He had answered her prayer.  
     We made a return appointment for the following day and brought her a Book of Mormon. When we pulled it out she started crying and said that her birthday had just passed and she had prayed and asked God for a book of scripture to help her strengthen her relationship with Christ. She had only been able to bring a section of the New Testament with her from Columbia and she felt like she needed more.  

Another story with a shining jewel of truth in it: 

  C____________ is amazing, she has gone through so much in the last year and it is amazing to see how perfectly it has prepared her to accept the gospel. We weren't worried when she said that she didn't feel prepared to accept a baptismal date yet because she is praying and reading the Book of Mormon every day. And people who sincerely do those things have the desire to make covenants with Heavenly Father. Which is a desire she now recognizes :) We're really excited for her.

Wisdom worth sharing!: 

Pride is choosing not to have all the blessings of the Atonement -- an Atonement which has already been accomplished, and which is infinite. The power and influence of the Atonement in our lives individually is limited only by our own pride.

The power and influence of the Atonement in our lives individually is limited only by our own pride.

Testimony of True Doctrine:

I am so grateful to know that families can be together forever. I KNOW that is true doctrine. I know that as we share true doctrine, the Spirit testifies to the hearts of others' of its truth.

Addictions are Easy

Drifting from God is easy but growing spiritually is hard and takes work, lots of it….

I've been looking for a picture that would illustrate this truth for a long time. Last Sunday, our excellent teacher, Mike Hoer brought these two plants to class. He explained that the kale was planted months ago and pretty faithfully cared for. However, the 6 ft tall weed appeared suddenly in the middle of his flowerbed last week, growing unnoticed until it had towered over everything else! Thankfully, he consented to let me use this example for this post. How clearly this visual shows that the weeds in our lives require almost NO attention to grow and flourish but the good and healthy plants take constant care to even stay alive. 

My husband and I have observed and discussed many times how everything that brings you closer to God takes CONSISTENT daily effort. You have to CHOOSE to pray, read your scriptures, obey the commandments and serve others. You have to deliberately PRESS FORWARD and make a decision that you are going to do these things every day! If you do you will feel the peace and grounding effects of those decisions BUT none of those things are addictive, whereas illicit drugs, pornography and alcohol will become insurmountable distractions if you allow your physical body to become addicted to any of those things.  I use the word "allow" because we have free agency to CHOOSE how we treat our body and ANYTHING that takes our attention away from an eternal perspective can be addicting. 

The world is full of distractions! We can choose from any number of temptations continually before our eyes... from social media and secular philosophy to fashion and food! Satan can win our souls SO easily if we don't keep trying. I once heard someone say that we are all only three weeks from church inactivity. Elder Kevin S. Hamilton spoke of this happening to his father in October 2013 Conference:

               On a beautiful spring day, after returning home from Sunday morning worship services and having a midday family meal together, his mother turned to his father and asked simply, “Well, dear, do you think we should go to sacrament meeting this afternoon, or should we take the family for a ride in the country?”
              The idea that there was an option to sacrament meeting had never occurred to my father, but he and his three teenage siblings all sat up and paid careful attention. That Sunday afternoon ride in the country was probably an enjoyable family activity, but that small decision became the start of a new direction which ultimately led his family away from the Church with its safety, security, and blessings and onto a different path.

In the scriptural story "Lehi's Dream of the Tree of Life" found in the Book of Mormon 1 Nephi 8 Lehi sees numberless concourses of people PRESSING FORWARD ... Some holding to the rod leading to the tree of life where they can enjoy the precious fruit   OR   some  "feeling their way" to the spacious building to join those prideful, mocking throngs. 

Powerful quote from Susanna Wesley to her son, John Wesley (the founder of Methodism):
“Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind; that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself.”

I hope I can hold to the rod and PRESS FORWARD to the Tree of Life without becoming distracted. I hope I can demonstrate by my choices to worship the Lord of Heaven and Earth in all His matchless wonder, in continual praise and gratitude for His many, many blessings to us! We don't have to be moving forward at lightning speed… Sometimes I feel that simply facing forward is enough. Just don't let go and turn around once you've known the joy of tasting the precious fruit of the gospel. AMEN.

                                                 Click here to read "Continually Holding Fast"

I Stand All Amazed

Photo Credit: Raquel Williams Lonas

Looking through old family pictures, I'm amused at how much better I look in my younger pictures than I thought I did at the time. This is a picture my sister, Raquel, took of me three years ago. Little did we know our hilarious joking about it being my obituary photo would come true! Although it's pretty realistic with scars and wrinkles showing, I only wish I could look this good now that I have chipmunk steroid cheeks and very thin, totally grey hair. Other side effects puzzle me as well. I never know the reason behind numbness, or cramping, or why fatigue washes over me at random times. The interesting thing is I have friends who have every symptom I have and they don't have cancer. It's a mystery... 

My immune system is fabulous though and is keeping the tumors I have from growing and not allowing any new ones to form. I'm so proud of it! I'm so incredibly grateful for those prayers that are offered on my behalf and modern medicine.

Ultimately, I put my hope and trust in God that whatever the outcome is I will be able to endure whatever I need to endure and learn whatever I need to learn. The last time I went to the temple and randomly opened the book, the scripture for me was D&C 99:8

"Otherwise, thou shalt continue proclaiming my gospel 

until thou shalt be taken. Amen"

It couldn't be more clear what I am to do with my time and so I obediently proclaim: 

Repentance is the gift Christ has given all of us and we can use it every day. We can know of His love for us by the sacrifice He so freely gave. The unfathomable depth of that love we can only know once we are in His presence again. Although the process to pass into His presence again might be painful, and possibly long, I trust and fully believe we will live in light and love with those we hold most dear for the rest of eternity. 

Jesus Christ is our Redeemer and I STAND ALL AMAZED at the love He has for all of us!

Click here to watch I Stand All Amazed (5 min)

Warning: Graphic images in the first minute. 

Grand Thoughts

I have a dear friend, Lauri Pratt, who always calls her grandkids "The Grands" and I've picked it up. It's the perfect word! It's always grand to spend time with these grand little people! 

A couple months ago I was able to go on a bike ride with my wonderful 10 year old grandson. Cruising along under a gorgeous canopy of spring green trees, he graciously kept pace with his slow-cycling Nana as we chatted about life.

He has known of my cancer since he was 7 and has prayed for me many times. The setting was inspiring and peaceful and I loved having him all to myself. We talked of school and sports until he sweetly asked, "So Nana, are you all better now?"

How do you answer that? Many options jumped into my mind... but I took the easy way out:

"Yes, I feel great today! It's been wonderful to be able to do all the fun things we've done this weekend. I'm so grateful for all your prayers and all the family's prayers. I feel 100% as good as I can feel!"

Then I felt guilty for glossing over the unknown future and said, "But I also know that sometimes things don't happen the way we'd like them to and I want to be happy with whatever Heavenly Father has in store for me. If I have cancer because I'm going to learn something important for me to learn then I want to have courage and be strong - strong enough to learn what I am supposed to learn. If God is trying to teach me patience or tolerance or to endure to the end.... then I want to learn those qualities and become a better person. I wouldn't tell God PLEASE don't teach me patience or tolerance! I would just pray to be able to learn quickly, haha!"

He kind of chuckled and nodded his head. I'm not sure he really understood but it was so grand to have a chance to express my thoughts to him. And if he faces something difficult someday, which is highly likely, for all of us, I hope he thinks of our conversation and finds the courage to learn what he's supposed to learn.

Grace to Walk

Bountiful Temple - family photo

I've been tired lately. I never know if it's MS or Melanoma and really, it doesn't matter. I just have to keep going as long as I can. I'm dreading the day I am too tired or too sick to keep pushing forward. 

One thing I really look forward to is going to the temple and feeling peace. I love doing sealings for my ancestors and hearing the promised blessings for eternal families. I remember what the Savior has provided for us and it comforts me. I prayed as I drove, "Heavenly Father, I am so tired. Please help me to feel strengthened and able to cheerfully serve today." 

I took advantage of the few minutes I had before the session started to go into the exquisitely beautiful Celestial Room for some quiet time. I picked up the Book of Mormon on the table next to me and opened it up randomly, something I often do to see if Heavenly Father has any special message for me. My eyes fell upon this verse:

"I know, in the strength of the Lord thou canst do all things." (Alma 20:4)

I had no doubt that scripture was specifically for me to read that day, another witness that He is aware of all of us and our needs. I have a testimony that he is ever mindful of us in our times of need, trials and challenges. A quote from one of my favorite songs by Building 429, "You Carried Me"

"I stand only because You've given me grace to walk"

Click here to listen to You Carried Me

I've been so busy, I missed the reasons 
I missed Your love, and I nearly missed it all 
Still You've loved me, and You've healed me 
You've given all and it brought me to Your cross

I stand only because You've given me grace to walk, 
Only because 

You carried me, You carried me 
You carried me through it all 
And I believe, Yes I believe 
You'll carry me all the way home 
Cause mercy covers all 

I know the scripture, I've known the songs 
I sang the words from my hollowed heart 
But You've spoken softly through the storm 
I've heard Your voice and I've felt the calm 

I stand only because You've given me faith to walk,
Only because 

I know that you love me 
I'll never doubt it, I can't live without it 
Your mercy has found me 
I am astounded, I can't live without it

Questions

Asking questions of my Heavenly Father, or "engaging in the wrestle" as Sheri Dew describes here, has brought me considerable personal growth... to the point where I have advised many to "Be careful what you ask for," but it has also brought me to the peaceful place I have reached now as I face a terminal illness. (Side note: I don't know, and can't possibly judge, the part mental health plays in our spiritual lives but I ache for those who are unable to trust their own thoughts. My prayers go out to those who suffer from that particularly heart-wrenching struggle. Someday all will be made right and we will understand the reason for our own specific trials.) 

This is a fabulous talk for all those who are seekers at heart. I have shared some of my favorite parts to remember and hopefully inspire anyone who questions. I am weak and simple but I want to bear witness of the reality of Jesus Christ's eternal plan of salvation for all of us. 

SHERI DEW -  http://www.byui.edu/devotionals/sheri-dew

Questions can either make you seek for truth 

or justify drifting from truth.

The Lord loves inspired questions asked in faith because they lead to knowledge, to revelation, and to greater faith.  

Champion wrestlers tell me that it isn't necessarily the strongest wrestler who wins. It is the wrestler who knows how to leverage his strength to overpower his opponent. Spiritual wrestling leverages the strength of true doctrine to overpower our weaknesses, our wavering faith, and our lack of knowledge. Spiritual wrestlers are seekers. They are men and women of faith who want to understand more than they presently do and who are serious about increasing the light and knowledge in their lives.  

Keep an eternal perspective

There have always been and will always be charismatic men and women who can launch what sound like, on the surface, reasoned arguments against the Father and the Son, the Restoration, the Prophet Joseph, the Book of Mormon, and living prophets. But doubters and pundits never tell the whole story, because they don't know the whole story-and don't want to know. They opt for clever sound bites, hoping no one digs deeper than they have.

Sound bites will never lead to a testimony. As seekers of truth, our safety lies in asking the right questions, in faith, and of the right sources-meaning those who only speak truth: such as the scriptures, prophets, and the Lord through the Holy Ghost.    

Questioning vs. Doubt

Questions are not just good, they are vital, because the ensuing spiritual wrestle leads to answers, to knowledge, and to revelation. And it also leads to greater faith. 

Men and women of faith are expected to have faith. While the Lord will reveal many things to us, He has never told His covenant people everything about everything. We are admonished to "doubt not, but be believing. But "doubting not" does not mean understanding everything.            

Doubting is not synonymous with having questions. To doubt is to reject truth and faith. As covenant sons and daughters, we are required to have faith, live by faith, "ask in faith, nothing wavering," and "overcome by faith." Learning by faith is as crucial as learning by study, because there are some things we cannot learn from a book.            

Questions are an invitation for you to grow spiritually

Thus, once the Spirit has borne witness to you that God is our Father and Jesus is the Christ, that Joseph Smith was a prophet called to restore the gospel, and that we are led by a prophet today, then you know the gospel is true because the Spirit has borne witness of the foundational truths that comprise a testimony. You have a testimony!

At that point, when questions arise or when blessings you've been pleading for remain unfulfilled, they are not an indication that you don't have a testimony or that the gospel isn't true. They are an invitation for you to grow spiritually.   

I repeat, once you have received a spiritual witness of the truths that form a testimony, even your thorniest questions about our doctrine, history, positions on sensitive issues, or the aching desires of your hearts, are about personal growth. They are opportunities for you to receive personal revelation and increase your faith.    

We don't have to have answers to every question in order to receive a witness, bear witness, and stand as a witness.            

But questions, especially the tough ones, propel us to engage in a spiritual wrestle so that the Lord can lead us along. Without plain old spiritual work, even God can't make us grow-or at least, He won't.           

It is worth engaging in a spiritual wrestle to learn to receive personal revelation, because we can only know what is true when the Spirit bears witness to our hearts and minds as only the Holy Ghost can. Revelation must include both, because intellect alone cannot produce a testimony. You cannot think your way to conversion, because you cannot convince your mind of something your heart does not feel.

Read the scriptures and stay as pure as you can

Seekers have certain habits that are key to learning to communicate with God. For starters, they engage in the wrestle, meaning they work at it. They immerse themselves regularly in the scriptures, because the scriptures are the textbook for the Lord's language. They also work to be increasingly pure-pure in their heart and thoughts, pure in what they say, watch, read, and listen to. Purity invites the Spirit. And then, pure seekers listen. 

I invite you to decide today that you will pay the price to wrestle with difficult questions, to become lifetime seekers of truth, to learn to speak the Lord's language, and to receive a witness of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel.            

If you will, you'll have the privilege of helping prepare the earth for His return. You'll be able to defend the faith because of your ever-increasing faith.               

The Savior is going to come again. May we stand for Him and with Him

Click here to see the whole talk --->  Sheri Dew - Are You Willing to Engage in the Wrestle?

Doing Good

Sister Fisher and Deem

Reading melanoma survivor blogs today... surprisingly few to read... or maybe not surprisingly if you consider the eventual outcome of every stage 4 melanoma patient. So... sometimes I really appreciate having an obvious direct experience to show I still have purpose and I want to share it. 

THREE YEAR melanoma survivor from first diagnosis. Two surgeries and 10 months of immunothrapy later I am a ONE year survivor of stage 4 metastatic melanoma. At this point in time I am relying only my own immune system to find and attack melanoma. I am taking steroids to halt the side effects from the immunotherapy for another three weeks and enjoying feeling pretty good.

Jesus went about doing good. 

(Acts 10:38)

I had been out and about for hours, running through a list of errands with one after another unavoidable delay. I was tired and anxious to get home as I drove down Main Street just before 9 pm one night last week. The sight of two girls striding purposefully down the sidewalk in the growing dusk caught my eyes. I recognized the sister missionaries, still miles from their home and debated for just a second whether to stop and offer them a ride. 

Guilt raced through my heart, "Girl, you pray for opportunities to serve every day, don't you dare miss this one." I turned the car around, leaning my head out the window to see if they wanted a ride home. Sister Friendly called out, "Oh YES! We were JUST praying someone would stop and offer us a ride!"

It felt SO GOOD to know that through those seemingly frustrating delays, Heavenly Father had placed me right where I could help serve his precious missionaries. I was SO GLAD that I stopped to help them and have the opportunity to tell them how miraculous it was that I was led right to them in their moment of need. I was grateful I could bear testimony that Heavenly Father was aware of their needs. It feels GREAT to be the answer to someone's prayers!

I have no idea how long I will feel good when the steroid treatment is over or how long it will be before melanoma spreads again. I just don't know SO MANY THINGS! But I do know that Heavenly Father is aware of all of us and directing our lives in a way that we can learn all we need to learn and become worthy to live with Him forever. I pray that anything I need to endure I will be able to endure with dignity and courage and continue "doing good."

Hope

Bucket List: Ring the "treatment finished gong" at Huntsman Cancer Center. Check. 

Family Photo

Family Photo

New chapter begins this week! No more Pembro - lost too much weight to keep taking it. Just prayers and scans every six weeks now.

And hope... Lots of hope. 

While I was getting my last infusion, looking out the wall of windows at the beautiful view, a cute old man came by to see if we wanted or needed anything. We asked what brought him to Huntsman today? He smiled sweetly and humbly said, "Well, I was the architect. When we met with Jon and Karen to get their ideas they said only one thing: We want everything about our center to bring about hope. (He paused and smiled again.) My daughter had bone marrow cancer and was one of the first patients here. She helped me design this infusion center."
       I was almost afraid to ask, "Is she doing okay now?" 
He smiled and said, "No, that is why I like to come here. It makes me feel close to her."

(Hope Photo by Debbie Beus)

April 2016 LDS General Conference Highlights

Pres. Henry B Eyring - Because of the miracle of modern technology, we meet as if we are all together in one great hall... most importantly in whose name we are gathered. - "Where two or three are gathered in my name,.... I am in the midst of you." Because he is a resurrected being he is not here physically but through the Spirit. He says: Ponder in your hearts with this commandments. Call upon me while I am near. Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you... etc

Two converts wrote to him in the same week pleading and bearing testimony and pleading that feelings of love of the Lord were lessening and wanted to feel that same close love they used to feel. Worried that if they can't, the trials and tests they face would overwhelm them.

Seed sowing parable - All of us are the same. Trials are to soften our hearts. Some do not see the "withering" and aren't aware of how we are distancing ourself from God. Satan wants us to think the testimonies we feel are foolish, etc. 

It is our responsibility to nourish the seed during this conference. Apostles and speakers are praying to have the power to encourage you to make the choices to make your heart a more fertile ground. Your choice to pray with full purpose of heart will increase. This is "HIS" conference. Only the HG can bring the blessings the Lord desires for us. Often I have people thank me for something I said and I can't remember the words I said? I know that the spirit helped them hear exactly what they needed to hear. So grateful for that.

Mary K Durnham  - Dad put his daughter on his back to swim across the lake. She got too heavy. Called out but no one could hear. We all experience this feeling. Took his heavy shoes off his feet and propelled themselves to safety.

After baptism we hear "Receive the holy ghost" not passive but a priesthood injunction.

How do we increase the capacity of our little ones?

Teach them to recognize the voice of the Lord as Eli facilitated Samuel.

Make our homes an "immersion program" Help our children learn how the HG speaks to them. Visually, auditory, kinesthetically? Recurring thought or a feeling of comforting after they cry is the HG. Teaching children to focus on what they feel and acting on it. Repeatedly doing this will increase their capacity. "Be more confident in what you feel" (Richard G. Scott) The children will be able to release their own heavy weights and move forward.

Donald Hallstrom - We are children of a living God. Sacred name is Heavenly Father. Moses said, "Who are thou? I am a son of God" upon meeting Satan. Paul taught the Athenians on Mars Hill they were offspring of God. Many other stories.

First Pres: 1995 "Each of us is a beloved son or daughter of God."

So basic and oft stated that it can seem to be ordinary when in fact it is the most extradorinary doctrine. Foundational to understanding the plan of salvation. We could all sing "I Am A Child of God." but do we really know it in our minds, hearts and souls?

On earth we identify from country, profession, hobby etc - not wrong unless they interfere with the basic understanding that we are all children of God. 

On earth there are injustices and disappointments. So easy to gradually lose our connection with Christ. There are health setbacks, doctrine or history of the church can be hard to understand? Is there confusion or doubt? Or is our first response to remember who we are. 

Meeting in Monrovia during the Ebola crisis - only 3500 seats. Final count was 4100. It was not easy for saints to gather but they came, most arriving early. The spiritual atmosphere was electric. The saints were ready to listen. They would all repeat the words of whatever scripture was started by a speaker.

Elder Bednar - very spiritual talk - "Everyone know the hymn Firm As A Foundation? "Yes!" Let's sing v 1,2,3, 7 and they sang... THEY ALL KNEW THE 7TH verse and increased in sound as they reached it. Unbelievable feeling....

Elder Gary E. Stevenson - End of a cold ski day. Couldn't find keys!!! Everything in the car ready to warm us but without keys couldn't. So grateful for the restoration of the gospel. 1829 John the Baptist conferred the keys to Joseph and Oliver. Soon after Melch priesthood keys conferred. etc. Visited Harmony and Susquehanna river where new visitor center "Priesthood" site. Never again will saints be "locked out" of priesthood ordinances.

1- prepare for missionary service  - keys of the gathering restored in our day

2- attend the temple - ordinances performed here enable us to return to our heavenly parents

 (story) mom takes kids to temple to do baptisms - as they leave asked to help with a huge stack just arrived - it was HER ancestors too!

3- Go forward with faith - to help you become all you should be become: pray, read scrip, obey, be humble and you will have opportunities to serve.

Kevin R. Duncan - We live in evil day. There is no soul who will not be the victim of another's sin. We all have this in common. He has prepared a way for us to navigate the misdeeds of others. We can forgive so we are not a "victim" twice. 

Sliver story - daily applied ointment and a bandage and one day the sliver had emerged. The ointment had softened the skin and the sliver could get out. Apply healing ointment of the Savior's Atonement.

Helps us see the person as God sees them. - Saul's story To forgive is not to condone. We do not allow bad behavior BECAUSE of their past but we can get greater understanding and peace if we see them as God sees them. We are not judged by the worst thing we have ever done. "I will forgive whom I will forgive but of you it is required to forgive all men." The Lord's prayer: Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.

Ask God to help you forgive. He wants us to love one another as He loves us.

Steven E. Snow - Emma asked to compile hymns. Many from other faiths but 26 from WW Phelps, who helped publish it. New hymn is "Be Thou Humble" by Krekje Holi who passed away last year. (D&C 110 and Ether 12:27)  She joined church in 1950 in HI. She helped adapt the hymns for many languages.

If we are humble and faithful we will ultimately return to presence of HF. Humble ourselves as a little child. 

Don't break your child's spirit but nurture their self confidence and esteem. Teach them to take joy in success of siblings, etc. Humility is essential to gain the blessings of the gospel and have broken hearts and makes it possible to repent. We can be better people. Unnecessary pride can dissolve relationships. Say "I'm sorry. etc." 

Remain humble and teachable. Faith and testimony will grow. 

Elder Dale G. Renlund - Asked advice about helping saints in poverty, he was told great truth: that the greater the distance between giver and the receiver, the greater the sense of entitlement. Because of proximity to givers, less likely to feel entitled. The greater we distance ourselves rom the Savior the greater the sense of entitlement grows. We feel that God has an obligation to fix things, and fix things now. Nephi and brothers great example of this. Laman and Lemuel saw things as "their due" - disgruntled entitlement and did not look unto the Lord with the right attitude. Because they were distant they murmured and became contentious.

Life would be the most unfair for Jesus Christ. The closer the Christ we are the ore we appreciate his innocent suffering. Our absolute distance is important but the direction we are heading is the most important. God is more pleased with repentant sinners than self righteous people. Drawing near to the Savior causes us to change. When we figuratively return to the stable where Jesus rests upon the straw we can stop doing things to further cause the Savior and God grief. They will help us if we turn to them. "My father sent me that I might be lifted on the cross and draw all men unto me. According to the power of the Father I will draw men unto me."

Sacrament indispensable to feel closer to God and Savior. The sacrament truly helps us know of our salvation. Without it we could never stand clean before God. Because of the atonement of Jesus Christ there will be no unfairness All that is unfair about life can be made right. Through God's kindness, compassion and love. We will receive more than we deserve. 

Elder Ronald Rasband - "Face to Face" youth meeting with youth leaders broadcast to 140 countries 

Bonnie Oscarson, Steve Owen and Elder Rasband answered questions and introduced the theme "Press Forward with a steadfastness in Christ." We learned the youth loved the Lord and and want their questions answered. I said, "The leaders of this church are no strangers to your issues and concerns. We are praying for you and talking about you in the most sacred of places."

Peter answers the Lord's call, "If it be thou, call to me." The Lord said, "Come." When Peter became afraid the Lord reached out his hand and saved him. He will do the same for all of us. 

Elder Neil Anderson - I embrace youth and children who do not come from "picture perfect" families and yet still come to church. We will continue to teach the Lord's pattern for families but with the diversity we have now we need to be even more thoughtful and insensitive. Reach out to those who need you.

Mervyn B. Arnold (Seventy) - His mother rescued those struggling and less active, assigned and unassigned. When she was homebound she wrote letters. As we go to the rescue he gives us power and blessings. Moses was afraid because of his lack of eloquence. Lord said, "Who made your mouth? I will go with you and help you."

1- Don't delay going to the rescue.. you will be held accountable  2- Never give up "I thought you were going to bring someone special... come on in Merv" 3- How great shall be your joy if you bring one soul unto Christ  4- No matter our age we are all called to go to the rescue. The Lord has provided all the tools we need for rescuing.

Jairo Mazzagardi (Seventy) Prayed after open house and received clear answer and asked to be baptized. Right before the dedication of the Sao Paulo temple. Do not give up if you have questions in your heart. 

Elder David Bednar - Always retaining a remission of our sins. In mortality we experience the opportunity for spiritual rebirth. Sacrament and service provides a way for us to remain in a constant state of remission of sins. We don't need to "revisit" the feelings of innocence and purity of our baptism. We are meant to progress from ordinance to ordinance.  

Elder M Russell Ballard - Family Councils, at least 4 kinds: from general to one on one. Have a basket for technical items. The Lord has proved a way to counter the negative influence. He has provided the council system to safeguard our most precious relationships.

President Thomas S Monson

Choices - If you don't know where you are going, it doesn't matter which road you choose! Choose the "harder right" and you will build a strong foundation of faith to thwart the plans of the adversary.

Bonnie Oscarson

Ethan's story about pneumonia."Do you believe it or not?" Think of the claims we make! We believe that these distinguishing features make our church the only true church on the earth. She then lists the things required for constant conversion. 

W. Christopher Waddell

"Sometimes it's just hard for me to think about Jesus!" Dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to all of us. No one is exempt. We have been promised peace with a condition attached. We need not fear because "In me ye might have peace." Simple pattern: learn of me and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my spirit and ye shall have peace. ...Learn, listen, and walk. Learn: Temple points us to Jesus Christ.  Listen: v 26 mocking from the great spacious building (only 'tasted' the fruit), v 33 (partaking continuously) we heeded them not - we can't have a part time commitment. Satan offers a counterfeit of safety - spacious bldg had no foundation. Walk: from Gethsemane to Calvary with him.

Elder D Todd Christofferson

Fathers - We believe in the ideal of the man who puts his family first. Working and family are overlapping domains.

Elder Quentin L Cook

The church is rolling forth. Pres Monson an apostle there were 12 temples - now 150 working and 177 when all announced are working! Joy in the announcement of the Quito Temple. If you haven't attend the temple you haven't received all this church has to offer you. Those with truly broken hearts and contrite are always welcome in the temple. We are all equal before God. 

Pres Dieter F Uchtdorf

Wondered how the destruction of the war our own people had started could ever be fixed. Lutheran church in Dresden, If man can take these broken remains and build an awe- inspiring structure that reaches to the heavens, how much more capable is the Lord to do this from a person's life remains. Reach out to those who are lost and don't condemn, shun or shame them. God will not rescue us against our will. If you cannot say you have the faith that God is there, begin with hope. Act on the hope and reach out to HF. In time you will recognize His love. Grows with every step of faith you take. We call these steps of faith, obedience. As we increase in faith, we must also increase in faithfulness.

Obedience is the process we discover what we are made of - precious and highly refined, truly what we really are. I fear, brethren, that some of among us may one day wake up and realize what power in the priesthood really is and face the deep regret that they spent far more time seeking power over others or power at work than learning to exercise fully the power of God. 
President George Albert Smith taught that 'we are not here to while away the hours of this life and then pass to a sphere of exaltation; but we are here to qualify ourselves day by day for the positions that our Father expects us to fill hereafter." Why would any man waste his days and settle for Esau's mess of pottage when he has been entrusted with the possibility of receiving all of the blessings of Abraham? I urgently plead with each one of us to live up to our privileges as bearers of the priesthood. In a coming day, only those men who have taken their priesthood seriously, by diligently seeking to be taught by the Lord Himself, will be able to bless, guide, protect, strengthen, and others. Only a man who has paid the price for priesthood power will be able to bring miracles to those he loves and keep his marriage and family safe, now and throughout eternity.

Steven W Owen - "Who is the greatest leader who ever lived? - what would you say? The answer, of course, is Jesus Christ. He sets the perfect example of every imaginable leadership quality. But what if I were to ask you, "Who is the greatest follower who ever lived - wouldn't the answer again be Jesus Christ? He is the greatest leader because He is the greatest follower. He follows His Father perfectly, in all things.
The world teaches that leaders must be mighty; the Lord teaches that they must be meek. Worldly leaders gain power and influence through their talent, skill, and wealth  Christlike leaders gain power and influence "by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness and by love unfeigned." 
In God's eyes, the greatest leaders have always been the greatest followers.
Your ability to lead does not come from an outgoing personality, motivational skills, or even a talent for pubic speaking. It comes from your commitment to follow Jesus Christ. It comes from a desire to be, in Abraham's words, "a greater follower of righteousness." If you can do that - even if you aren't perfect at it, but you're trying- then you are a leader.

Pres Henry B Eyring - Everything we do should have celestial marriage as its focus and purpose. That means we must strive to be sealed to an eternal companion in the temple of God. We must also encourage others to make and keep the covenants that bind a husband and wife together, with their family, in this life and in the world to come.

Pres Thomas S Monson - Wherever you go, your priesthood goes with you. Are you standing in holy places? Before you put yourself and your priesthood in jeopardy by venturing into places or participating in activities which are not worthy of you or of that priesthood, pause to consider the consequences. Remember who you are and what God expects you to become. You are a child of promise. You are a man of might. You are a son of God. 
This precious gift of priesthood power brings with it not only solemn responsibilities but also special blessings for ourselves and for others. May we, in whatever place we may find ourselves, always be worthy to call upon its power, for we never know when our need an dour opportunity to do so may come.

Pres Dieter F Uchtdorf - Now, just one word to those of our single brethren who follow the deception that they first have to find the "perfect woman" before they can enter into serious courting or marriage. My beloved brethren, may I remind you, if there were a perfect woman, do you really think she would be that interested in you?
In God's plan of happiness, we are not so much looking for someone perfect but for a person with whom, throughtout a lifetime, we can join efforts to create a loving, lasting, and more perfect relationship. That is the goal.
Indeed, if charity is the pure love of Christ, then pride is the defining characteristic of Satan.

Elder Robert D Hales

Holy Ghost is different from the Light of Christ, which is in and through all things. HG is a personage. Not given to control us. "If there be a prophet among you, with him will I speak mouth to mouth." (Moses, Aaron and Miriam) Through HG we will be able to discern the difference between correct doctrine or the teaching of men. Story about stopping to shake hands and talk with missionary.

Gerrit W Gong

Remembering.... It is not the word of God that is frustrated, it is the work of men. When we fully repent, the Lord remembers our sin no more. To be worthy does not mean to be perfect. With God there is no point of no return. Remember Him during the Sacrament and as we pray. Always.

Patrick Kearon

Refugees - One in every 122 humans have been forced to flee their homes. Half are children. Leaving homes, schools, and jobs. Be liberal when giving to them. Relief Effort: I Was A Stranger.lds.org  Take a stand against intolerance. Stakes of Zion are meant to be places of refuge. 

Elder Dallin H Oaks

Mercy satisfies the eternal demands of justice. The Savior, Jesus Christ. There must needs be opposition in all things. Satan's plan would have insured PERFECT equality. No agency or choice by anyone and therefore no need for opposition. Opposition enables choice. Making right choices leads to accomplishing the purposes of the Lord's plan. Satan stirs up, pacifies or lies. We are warned not to be at ease in Zion. Questions are honored. Opposition is not. Know them by their fruits. Some members left without answers even with all the church has said. 

Kent F. Richards

Temples - place to go for complete relief, power and strength. Everything we do in the Church - every meeting, activity, lesson, and service - is to prepare each of us to come to the temple and kneel at the altar to receive all the Father's promised blessings for eternity. You become an instrument in His hands when you take a name through the temple. Come to the temple often.

Paul V Johnson

Lost his daughter a year ago to cancer. Easter is the holiday to celebrate the greatest event ever, the resurrection.. a total victory over death. There is no salvation without our spirit AND our body. Each has weakness which will be resolved after resurrection. He takes away all injustices and pain. 

Elder Jeffrey R Holland

Wonderful Conference but I do see a couple problems... I'm standing between you and the ice cream you always have after conference. The other is "tomorrow"  We want to hold fast to the spiritual impressions we've had and the inspired teachings we've heard. After you were illuminated you endured a great affliction. (Paul) It's hard to come down from mountaintops. If you see limitations in yourself and those around you, please don't be cast down in spirit and don't give up. They're intended to give you hope and not discourage you. Satan can't improve or progress but we can... and the beauty of the gospel is that we get credit for trying. The Lord blesses those who want to improve. First great commandment is smiliar to the great truth of all eternity is that God loves us with all of his might, mind and strength. GQ Cannon, "No matter how serious the trial, or deep sea of affliction, God will never desert us. He cannot do it. It is not his character to do so. He will always stand by us. We may pass through the fiery furnace and deep waters but we shall not be overwhelmed or consumed. We will emerge better."  

We can escape stupidity, ours and others, if we do the best we can to live the gospel. Tomorrow and every other day is ultimately going to be magnificent... even if we don't always recognize it to be so. Why? Because HF wants it to be! All things work together for the good of them that love God.